What's Happening ? You Are

2006-09-12T23:47:00.000+08:00

Today was one of the most exhausting days I've experienced so far in the past few months.

I got home straight from school, lied down on my bed, faced the ceiling, closed my eyes, and the next thing I knew, 5 hours had pass by.

I.Totally.Lack.Sleep.

By the way, yesterday was September 11. *Yawnnnnnn*

I just feel that the whole world is so full of fucking double standards.

When the planes attacked the US, the whole mourned.

The whole world held memorial services.

There was a minute of silence everywhere.

Same for the attacks in Madrid and London.

But let's not forget our friends in the Palestine, Iraq and Lebanon.

Think.

Has there ever been any minute of silence for them?

Do people think, even for one minute, the injustice brought about to these innocent lives?

Everyday, innocent people die all because of some fucktards called 'Politicians' make some irreversible blunders in their policies.

When people see the news of deaths, killings, bombs and attacks they go "Awwww, poor thing. That's sad." And then they continue eating their dinner.

When a group of yound Palestians celebrate the September 11 attacks, the whole yelled "HEARTLESS!" "DISPICABLE!" "DISRESPECTFUl!" to them.
But when a group of Cuban immigrants in Miami celebrate news that Fidel Castro is unwell and will be undergoing an operation, the Americans call it a "reason to celebrate."

When Bali had an attack, the whole world wanted to get out of Indonesia.
But when the same thing happened in London, everyone stayed put to show a sign of "solidairity", and that "London will fight on."

So there you go. Double standards again and again and again.........

Just goes to show how fucked up the world is.

2006-08-24T23:51:00.000+08:00

Mum's very funny.

While watching Rockstar: Supernova just now.....

Mum: Eh....that Dave Nevarro is CARMIE ELECTRICA's ex-husband right?

Me: It's CARMEN ELECTRA lah......

Mum: Oh..........

CARMIE ELECTRICA.

Haha.

2006-08-22T12:46:00.000+08:00

Ok ok. Time for a random post.

1) I have a disease. It's called the surfing-luxurybrand disease. Yep, when Im free I enjoy logging into the Net and surfing luxury items that I know I can never be able to afford. Unless I marry a kaum kerabat of the Brunei royal family.

2) I was watching a couple of Hollywood super-hero movies over the weekend and noticed that many of these films contain certain political innuendos. Take X-Men 3 for example. There's the fanatic mutants (Magneto & Co) and the moderate mutants (Prof X & Co.) Hmhmh, the humans can represent the West. Both the fanatics and the moderates wanna achieve the same goals but both parties plan to use different means. Try to relate it to today's politics.

3) I nearly puked when I heard the PM say something in his rally speech. He actually pointed out that the Straits Times and CNA is "real". Please lah, gimme a break.

4) Sigh. Ramadan is coming. Why am I not looking forward to it?

2006-08-13T22:50:00.000+08:00

Just now I found myself thinking about my ultimate dream honeymoon.

Eh dont laugh, girls dream of stuff like these, OK!

I have always fantasised about honeymoon-ing in the Maldives or Indian island of Goa.....but somehow I find them all too cliche. I mean, I wouldnt wanna go there and find like 1879764389264875 other couples from all over the world having their honeymoon too.

So I thought.....and thought and came up with the ultimate bonanza plan!

I plan........to

a) Get married in Early or Mid May.

b) Go for my honeymoon around late May and stretch it allllllll the way to Mid July.

c) Get married on a World Cup year !!! (That explains, the timing of the months, get it?)

Ok let's do some calculations here. The next WC will be held in South Africa in 2010. I'll be 24 by then. So marrying in 2014 will be just nice for me. I'll be 28! The venue for the 2014 has not been decided yet, but I have a feeling the South Americans will get it. I mean, 2002 went to Asia, 2006 Europe, 2010 Africa......you get the picture.

So what I can plan is this. My husband (HAHA) and I will first travel to Europe in Mid May for the Champions League final (that is, if either Barca or Arsenal is playing) and then perhaps we can come back home for a while before proceeding to our OFFICIAL honeymoon in the summer !!! NO tickets? Never mind. We can soak up the atmosphere and catch the matches live from the giant plasma screens in public. Then the both of us can tour the cities and explore the towns and even bake ourselves under the scorching sun...........waaaaaaaahhhh......so exciting!!!

But then again, the hotel rates are gonna shoot up all the way up to the sky and things are most probably gonna cost more, so we may need to plan our finances and iteanary very carefully ahead. Well, the good thing is we'll be able the avoid the June Wedding Festival, when it is the time where alot of Malay weddings are held.

I just want my honeymoon to be something wild and different, unlike your typical relax-at-the- beach- resort- in- your- bikini kind of honeymoon which I think is very brainless and a real waste of money. If Im gonna do that with my husband, I'd rather be in Sentosa.

Ok, now what I need to do is to find a boyfriend...........

Hey, dont laught at me ok...
For the past 2 years I have slowly turned my dreams into reality......
Because I worked hard for it..

IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING

2006-08-11T00:12:00.000+08:00

OK, I feel the urge to write about some politics now.

Like whoa.

You know what?

Am I the only one in the face of this Earth who thinks that the Middle East crisis will never be resolved?? I am sick and tired of hearing the Israelis bombing the Lebanese, the Lebanese bombing back, the UN hoping for a cease fire and all that jazz. And what the fuck are those so-called volunteer 'Jihadis' from Indonesia think they are doing? Wanting to register themselves to go to the Middle East to serve as matyrs ?? To me, they are nothing but un-educated clowns. And I, as a Muslim, feel so upset that the Arab League is not taking a strong enough stand in this whole issue. WHY? WHY? WHY? It seems like as if the Arab leaders have their hands tied. Why is Hosni Mubarak and King Abdudllah keeping themselves shut? WHY? Because they dont want to hurt their seemingly good relationship with the U.S ?? In my opinion, the reason why the Israelis are able to defeat the Palestinians all these while is because not only do they have the support of the Americans, but they are well aware of the Arab's weaknesses.

OK next.

The whole Mahathir-Pak Lah babble wear is irritating the hell out of me. Wanna now why? Cause everytime I flip the papers I am sure to see their names or faces. Damn. I tell ya, their spat is worthy of a box-office wayang. Im sure there is some degree of corruption in both administrations, cause obviously you cant completely wipe out corruption just like that. Mahathir is turning me off with his colok-ness. Maybe he's getting senile. And Pak Lah is not helping himself by portrying himself as a weak softie. And about his son in law, I dunno lah, I smell something fishy about him. RM330 million in 3 yrs??? Woah. Well, UMNO should just put the 2 old man in a dungeon, lock them up, and let them punch each other out.

Ok, back to the domestic front.

Im sure the country can do with the NDP. The National Day Parade should be banned. Just keep the fireworks on for 30 mins straight and Im sure that'll be enough.

Im done!!

2006-08-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

I dunno lah

Why is it that the National Day banners all over the island are decorated with the huge-assed blown up pics of all the MPs???

Seriously. I saw it at the one near my area. Then one more in Clementi in the train on the way to sch. (It was West Coast GRC, I think). Oh yeah, the one near Alif had the same thing. And if that is not bad enough, one neighbourhood I passed by even had LKY's face on every damn poster from the main road all the way into the HDB blocks at nearly every street post.

IT'S FUCKING IRRITATING !!!!

The worse thing is, the MP's faces are so huge, but the Singapore flag is just there in the backgroung like as if it is portrayed that the MP's are more important than the flag.

I begin to wonder; Whose birthday are we celebrating ??? The country's or the MP's birthday?

Are they trying to tell us that "We Love Singapore" = "We Love PAP" ????

FUCK THEM LAH.

2006-07-31T17:55:00.000+08:00

I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE.

For the past couple of years, there has been a Levi's Engineered Denim dress hanging in my wardrobe, waiting for me to put it on. You may ask, what is it doing there all these years?

Well, actually, it was a gift. It's a sweet dress, but here's the problem. It's a bit too long, making me look 'drowned' when I put it on. It totally does not complement my already short height. Not only that, it's a full denim dress, so you can imagine that wearin it under a humid weather isnt the best time to don it. However.........it's still a nice dress which I would love to wear casually on a day out.

So here's what I plan do. I plan to alter the length of the dress to make it knee length. Do you think it's a good idea? I had doubts initially cos I always feel that Levis tailors its jeans to detailed precision and thus by doing so I'd be tempering with the dress's original design and 'flair'. And therefore, it wont look so original and so-called 'exclusive' any longer.

But I cant help it. Its fucking Levis. Rather than dumping it in my cupboard for eternity, I might as well fully utilise it, dont you agree? I mean, come on, Im sure there are loads of girls out there who would love to put on my dress.

Whatever it is, I am NOT putting it up for sale on Ebay. Nor will I donate it to some stranger in a natural disaster strucked country. I will start to find a way on how I can put on my Levi's dress without having to look awful.

Tsk.

How liddat???

2006-07-24T22:44:00.000+08:00

It's official.

SMRT is gonna increase the fare of MRT rides soon.

*Inhale..............*

*Exhale..............*

MOTHER FUCKING BASTARD CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBYE ASSHOLE FUCKING DUMB PRICK RETARD SON OF A BITCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before they wanna raise the fare, maybe they could first ensure that their mrt train cables are in good working condition and will not snap like it did just now !!

2006-07-14T01:28:00.000+08:00

Sigh.

My sense of fashion is so bad that I got to surf all the way into the Net to find out what are the latest trends.

I dont know lah, Im just so bad at picking out clothes. I used to not bother about what I wear and stuff, but now that Im entering woman-hood, I feel that it's about time I start to, you know, dress up.

But I just dont know to do it !!!!!

I look out for nice clothes in the Net, but somehow I tell myself, "OK, that's a nice outfit, but where in this little island can I find the exact same thing?"

Well I guess I can start slowly by getting myself a new haircut. (Gonna transform it into a new sexaaaaay short look)

Secondly, I have begun putting up CONSISTENT make up. (Thanks Nisa and Nab for the MAC recommendation!!!)

And errrr....believe it or not, I bought a Guess bag! On impulse somemore! You cant blame me, it was on a 35% discount.

I've been reading CLEO religiously since the March issue. I know, very un-Shahnaz.

Oh yeah, Im seriously considering buying a pair of high heel shoes to go with my jeans. Ok lah, actually I wanna look taller and more feminine. Its what they call a "wedge shoe".

And last but not least, I actually liked the Sarah Jessica Parker perfume that Nisa made me smell the other day. (GAsp!)

2006-07-10T14:10:00.000+08:00

My heart is broken.

I still love you Zizou.

I know, there IS a reason why you did what you did.

2006-07-07T09:34:00.000+08:00

I spent 7 years of my life in the Arab Gulf, but returned during the Gulf War.
My ma used to cane me whenever I went back with a Band 3 in my Pri sch exams.
I have always wanted to take up swimming and piano lessons, but my dad couldnt afford it.
I often hear my folks quarelling about money at night while I pretend to sleep.
Teachers warn me not to go to the ITE, cause It's The End.
When I went to a neighbourhood and spoke good English, my fellow Malays poke fun at me.
I used to believe every single word MM Lee spoke, but not anymore.
To me, the PAP was the best, but Im afraid I have been brainwashed.
Today, I am financially supporting myself, paying for my fees and bills.
I tap my EZ link card with sincerity.
My heart breaks whenever I look for jobs and the ads say I have to speak Mandarin.
When I grow up, I hope to have my own family, a house and a car.
I want to bring my children anywhere they want to go.
I hope I can give them what my parents could not afford to give me.
I worry about not being able to survive in my country in the future,as it is being swallowed up by so called Foreign Talents.
I carry my Singapore passport with pride, not hiding it under a travel agent or designer labelled passport cover.
I hope I can get to vote in the next elections.

My name is Shahnaz Alwi Rashid.
I am a Malay.
I am a Singaporean.

So say we all.

2006-07-04T14:10:00.000+08:00

About an hour ago, I viewed a number of footie videos on youtube and couldnt help be mesmerised by Zizou's flair.

That man has such a natural gift, which leads me to wonder. Are the greatest footballers on the planet blessed with such talents from birth, or do get to where they are because of hardwork?

What I love about watching Zizou is that he is a footballer who exemplifies the beautiful game. He gives spectators every reason to stay glued to the match and most importantly, he makes his opponents remember the day they played against him. That's what I love about Zidane; His performance are never unforgettable.

Honestly, as a supporter of the French national team, I KNOW for a fact that France would not have reached the semi-final stage if it wasnt for the more experienced players like Zizou, Thuram, Makelele or even Vieira. And Les Blues will have to really up their game against Portugal who will have Deco back from suspension if they wanna meet up with the Germans (who have their unofficial 12th player, the fans) or the Italians, who are finally beginning to play some serious attacking football.

However, I am confident that the French will put up a good fight. Not because Im over-confident, but because I believe in the team. Simple as that. If Zidane and co play really well against the Portugese and lose, there will be sadness but I wont hate Portugal and give all sorts of excuses. My life will go on. If they win, I'l be over the moon, irritate a couple of my friends, and then get on with my life.

Should France win the cup on the 9th of July, Ill personally be happy to see Zizou lift the cup as Capitane. This is the man who came out of retirement to save his country from football humilation due to their dismal WC qualification campaign.

But we must remember that at the end of the day, it is just football.

And football is but a game.

Let's not forget this World Cup's slogan ; A TIME TO MAKE FRIENDS.

I guess that puts one's life into perspective.

2006-07-02T23:51:00.000+08:00

FRANCE is in the semi-final !!!!

They beat BRAZIL !!!!!

Can you handle that ????

Where was Ronaldinho, Ronaldo, Robinho, Kaka and all the rest ??????

Allez les Bleus, you're just 2 games away.

And I do NOT have any sympathy for the England.

It's over for them. Bye Bye.

2006-06-27T10:49:00.000+08:00

My ex is........non-existant. (Really)
Maybe i should......really start to take control of my own destiny.
I don't understand......why in the world the fucking ref gave Italy a penalty last night against Aus.
I lose.......alot of things, so often in my life.
People say........Que Sera Sera, but I dont quite agree.
Somewhere,......there is someone out there waiting for me. :)
I will always try.......to be nicer to people around me.
I never want......to be diagnosed of a life-threatening illness.
I think the current US president......is incompetent and should be impeached.
When i wake up in the morning......I check out the time
My past.......is a part of me.
I get annoyed.......by things that dont go my way.
Parties......Im never cool enough for them,that's why I hardly get invited.
Kisses are the best.........when it's a French kiss filled with love......and lust.
Tomorrow......I gotta got to work!
I really want.....to get out of this country. For good.
I have low tolerance......for injustice. And lousy refereeing.

2006-06-26T10:48:00.000+08:00

World Cup posting !!!

OMG this whole week has been so......WORLD CUP-ish !!!!!

For me, it has been one match after another.

And after watching all the matches so far.....I must say this.

The teams that have played truly as a WORLD CUP team and look like real contenders are Germany and Argentina.

I am NOT satisfied by Brazil's performance so far. And England too. They beat Ecuador 1-0 (AGAIN!!!). Even my France are just a shodow of their supremacy in 1998. Spain has been good but I would prefer to liken their victories to having a relatively easier group stage.

But in football, no team shall ever be discounted.

In 1982, Italy qualified for the Round of 16 without winning a single game and scored in their last group match because the opponent keeper made a slip. But they went forward anyway beating Argentina and Brazil before lifting the Jules Rimet cup.

So let's just wait and see.

*****************************************

And by the way, something disgusting happened in the train I was in the other day. It was getting pretty crowded as the MRT was approaching Raffles Place and a group of young Malay girls and boys entered at Redhill (or was it Tiong Bahru??) Anyways, they were all dressed up in those current, hip sub-culture clothes. You get the picture. Red and black tie, thick eyeliner, ruffled hair, My Chemical Romance t-shirts, knee length socks etc. Whatever you call it lah. They were talking and talking.....and then.....the bombshell dropped.

One of the girls turned to the guys and asked loudly "Eh, asal Ronaldinho tak main untuk Barcelona kat World Cup ah? Asal dia main untuk Brazil pulak??" *
*Why is Ronaldinho not playing for Barcelona in the WC? Why is he playing for Brazil instead??

I was like, "What the fuck?" That girl should go to jail for asking such a question !!!!!

She had just presented herself as the ultimate minah who cannot make it!!!!!

AAAAAAARGH !!!!!!

I so wanted to burst out laughing and slap her face at the same time, man.

Somebody please by her a copy of the Idiot's Guide to Football please.

Imagine having to be in the train and hear her say that.

2006-06-21T19:57:00.000+08:00

MENDAKI is really starting to piss me off.

Just because I applied for a student loan under them does not mean that they can flood my e-mail inbox with requests to voulunteer for them. What is this? Hutang budi, issit?

I would rather volunteer my time for Mercy Relief or Perdaus, but unlikely for Mendaki.
I have never like the way it is organised and the people behind it.

Heard loads of stories about them all these years.

It's so sad that the core self-help group for the Malay Muslim community has become a breeding ground for back-stabbers.

Apa nak jadi?

*********************************************

And why does Gurmit always have to shout when he welcomes the audience to Singapore Idol ??

2006-06-17T22:42:00.000+08:00

Watching the Iran-Portugal match now.

I swear to God, I have no idea how in the world the Iranians got into the Finals with such dismal ball control.

Oh well, rather save my energy for the USA-Italy match later on.

2006-06-15T18:57:00.000+08:00

With me World Cup-ing 24/7, my brain has without a doubt become very very rusty.

2006-06-11T00:41:00.000+08:00

The World Cup is here.

Please dont bother me especially before a match.

I will not entertain any calls or sms.

Just...dont...bother...me.

And.

FUCK BRAZIL.

The 3 Rs and Kaka and all the big fuck.

The CUP is gonna find its new home.

In FRANCE.

2006-06-06T16:08:00.000+08:00

"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake then it subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision; you have to work out whether your roots have become so intwined together that it is inconceivable that you two should ever part, because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness; it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day, it's not laying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No, that is just being in love, which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love, itself, is what is left over when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting does it? But, it is."
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin

I guess now I understand

2006-06-01T09:50:00.000+08:00

Dont you just get so annoyed when you have a hard time looking for something you need urgently and you cant seem to find it, despite seeing it lying around you the past few days when you didnt need it at all ??

That's what happened to me this morning.

Where have all the lozenges gone too ???

I swear I saw a couple of Strepsils and Fisherman packets at the living room a couple of days ago.

I...think...Im...gonna...have...a...feeeeverrr.....

Woke up with a bad flu and a sorethroat which felt like I have a fucking lump inside my neck.

Must get rid of it. Fast.

Secepat mungkin.

2006-05-31T15:57:00.000+08:00

LOVE IS IN THE AIR.

You know, it's a very nice feeling. Falling in love.

Go and experience it for yourself.

The goosebumps, sense of security, passing of time.

Makes life worth living.

Just dont keep me blinded by your love.

: )))

2006-05-31T00:21:00.000+08:00

Finally, managed to catch The Da Vinci Code with dad over the weekend. HmHm, it was the second weekend in a row in which I actually caught a flick with my old man. Previously, we watched Poseidon and it was an okaaaaaay movie lah. I give it 3 popcorns out of 5. Thought that parts of the script were very cheesy.

Anyways, moving on to Da Vinci, I must say that I am a tad bit disappointed with the movie, ESPECIALLY the last part. When I was watched it, my mind went like, "What the fuck!". It was totally different from the book, along with some of the other scenes before that. Reading the book is soooo much better, cause I just dint like the pace of the movie. Something about it was just not right. Those who have not read the book may get very confused when the watch they movie as Ron Howard direction did not explain in detail about the whole deal about the Prioiry of Sion, Mary Magdalene, the Vatican, the Templar Knights and you know, the whole bla bla bla.

My favourite line in the whole movie?

"As long as there is one true God, there will be killings in his name." - Sir Leigh Teabing

**********************

And oh yeah, am I the only one who thinks that Fort Minor's 'Where'd You Go' sounds so similar to Eminem's 'Stan'?

2006-05-28T10:44:00.000+08:00

I am seriously thinking of quitting this country.

But first, I'll need to settle my education.

I need to get a skill.

I may need to learn a third language. And learnt it well.

I need to have THE edge.

I swear I cant wait to get out of this tiny red dot.

Oh yeah, I'll need to have good contacts too.

2006-05-19T19:29:00.000+08:00

BOTH MY ARMS ARE CURRENTLY SO FUCKING SORE .

2006-05-16T08:28:00.000+08:00

The Biggest Loser......

of this season's World of Football is none other than.......

PATRICK VIEIRA .

The reason is simple.

When he left Arsenal for Juventus last season, he whined that the Gunners lack hunger and drive to bring them all the way to European Champions Legue glory, unlike Juve.

Now look where the Gunners are today. There are at least 48 hours away from the big finale in Paris and have a 50-50 chance of winning the throphy.

Our dear Patrick on the other hand is stuck in Turin with his teamates where the club have yet to know if they will be relegated to Serie B or C1 if Moggi is convicted of alleged match fixing. Juve might have sealed the 29th Scudetto win last weekend, but they sure won it in shame.

Imagine players like Del Piero, Vieira and Buffon in the Serie B losing their fat weekly paychecks, not being able to play in the Champs League and having their 2005 and 2006 title medals stripped away from them.

OUCH.

Well, you just got served, Pat.

Oh yeah, speaking of the damn Juve match fixing hoo-haa, it's beginning to turn out like a whole big, huge Mafia episode.

2006-05-11T11:53:00.000+08:00

Suria Oh Suria.....

The MAT (TM) : Oi, what are you doing now?

Me: Errrr....watching Detik. Can call you back later?

TM: Wait a minute..that's like, the current affairs show from Suria right?

Me: Yah. They're covering the GE results now.

TM: I didnt know you watch Suria!

Me: Of course I do !!! Im not THAT sort of Malay ok! Im not that bo-chap. I know Suria still has a long way to go in producing quality productions...but still...

TM: Ok dear Minah, go watch your show. And while you're at it, try and pick up some new Malay words and phrases. Bye.

*******************

Well, to be frank, the only shows I watch on Suria is the daily 8pm news, Detik and Akhir Kata. Ok, I used to follow DIA religiously but stopped after the whole plot began to go down the drain. Oh yeah, I never fail to miss the annual Hari Raya and TAA shows. I just feel that I should be aware of what's happening in my own community and such shows help bring forward a number of issues that the Malays should and must take note of.

In last night's episode, the reporters on the ground were covering a report titled (if I could call it in English), "Courting The Malay Vote". It basically touched on how important the Malay vote is to the winning party and how over the years a significant number of Malay voters have been casting their votes towards the PAP. A professor explained that the fact that many Malay voters chose the PAP because they feel the ruling party has not neglected them and also with thier support, there will seem to be a 'plan' or and 'agenda' that the Malays can look forward to. So far, the Malay MPs have been doing an OK job in my opinion, although I do feel sometimes they tend to paint a rosy picture of the community in their speeches which might not always be true in reality. Read: They're in denial. However, they have been making efforts, no doubt about that, and that is seen and felt by many Malays across the board so that explains why we trust them more than the OP.

Even the Worker's Party chief LTK admitted that the reason that may have contributed to thier loss in Aljunied was because the Malay candidate failed to garner the Malay support. Moreover, PAP Aljunied has Zainul Abidin R who is a known to be a haevyweight in the Malay community. Plus, he has established a reputation for being a 'Makcik Killer' , meaning he is very popular with the makicks and other folks around his ward. So at the end of the day, the 8% difference that sealed the win for the PAP may be due to the so called swing votes of the Malays in that area.

But anyway, what caught my attention was this. If the votes were really secret to begin with, how in the world did the PAP leaders able to tell that 80% of the Malay voters voted for the PAP???

Weird, isnt it?

***************************

Meanwhile, here's something to ponder on...

I refer to the report in the Straits Times that was headlined 'Community strongly behind PAP, say Malay MP's-elect' (ST, May 9, H3)

The endorsement of Malay PAP candidates should not be equated with resounding support for the ruling party's ideology and its policies. One should bear in mind that minority voting patterns tend to lean towards a candidate who is perceived to represent the community's concerns most effectively in Parliament.

The manner in which the PAP has wooed Malay voters is by appealing to their desire for political representation. Currently, the Parliament consists of 11 Malay MP's, out of a total of 84. This makes up 13%, which is close to the 14% of the Singaporean population who are Malay. However, in the Cabinet, there is only 1 Malay representative out of 19 Ministers, which constitutes 5%.

There is a great yearning within the Malay community for the proportion of Members of Parliament and Cabinet Ministers to reflect Singapore's multiethnic composition. Given the choice between a PAP Malay candidate who is already an office-bearer (or is earmarked as one) and an Opposition Malay candidate whose prospects of being an office-bearer is null (given the PAP's majority in Parliament), a Malay voter will tend to favour the former.

However, PAP Malay MP-elects should note that the desired outcome of their election is not numerical representation alone. They have a responsibility, as minority MP's, to address issues of concern to the Malay community. Mr Masagos does not do the community any favours when he states that 'the community has risen above the old grouses as they are starting to see results of progress'. There are two points that need to be addressed in his statement.

Firstly, what is meant by 'old grouses'? There are many issues affecting the Malays that are either not aired in Parliament, summarily dismissed, or resolved unsatisfactorily. Some of these include the conscription policies of the Singapore Armed Forces, the expropriation of Istana Kampong Glam, as well as the future of the madrasahs. By labelling them as 'old grouses', is he relegating them to the realm of negligibility? Old issues do not simply dissolve just because a Malay MP attempts to silence discourse by telling the community to 'move on'.

Secondly, there is the implication that Malays prioritise economic prosperity over political issues like the need for an opposition in Parliament. The statement suggests a politcally naive voting bloc that responds positively to Progress Packages and upgrading enticements. This is a distortion of the value systems and political convictions of many Malays I know, who are neither materialistic nor convinced that the emergence of a Malay middle-class is persuasive evidence that Malays are given equal opportunity in all sectors of Singapore society.

When Malay voters throws their support behind a PAP Malay candidate, it is one invested not so much with the desire for economic gain, but for political capital. Their eyes will be trained on the performance of the minority Malay candidates in Parliament for the next five years. Their ability to represent, protect and champion the interests of the voters they have courted will be scrutinised and assessed with keen interest.

If indeed the PAP has managed to recruit the most capable Malay talents from across the island--and not necessarily the most co-opted, the most compliant to the party line--the community awaits the appearance of Malay Cabinet Ministers holding portfolios beyond the painfully narrow and almost tokenistic spectrum of Environment and Water Resources and Community, Youth and Sports

2006-05-04T22:57:00.000+08:00

Well, this past week has been insightful and a bit sad, not to say the least.

Believe it or not, I never thought that showering a bunch of 4 year olds can be very eye-opening and fun. Never in my life have I seen so many naked lil boys and girls at one shot taking their bath together! And they sang a welcome song for me....so sweet.

Miss Shahnaz is here today,
Miss Shahnaz is here today,
Hey ho, clap your hands,
Miss Shahnaz is here today!!!

And I....errrr...fed them lunch and put them to sleep in their afternoon nap.

Here's the disheartening part of the week.

A good friend and I from school were talking about how hard it is to get a study loan for university. I mean, getting one is possible but the whole term and conditions that comes with it can be very....well....Furthermore, it bugs us that people who do not qualify for a spot in a local U can just pack their bags to study in an Aussie uni just because their daddy happens to have alot of spare change in his bank account. It's just so.......well, I guess money talks, huh?

As for me, at this point of time in my life, I just want to work hard and save every penny I earn, cause I know for a damn fact that my folks do not have the means to support my future plans and material lifestyle. There will come a time when I will want to settle down and own my own HDB apartment which will cost a whole damn lot. I want to get my license and my own car, regardless if it's a second-hand one, if I can afford it lah. I dont want to get married in some cheapskate wedding with lousy food and horrendous, appaling wedding costumes. I plan to have a good head start in saving up for my old-age and have a bank account for children's education so that I dont have to scrimp and save just like that way my parents are expiriencing now.
I want to succeed so that I can provide a good life for not only my future, but my own family.

So.....now that I know what I need to do, Im just gonna do it.
Work hard, learn new skills and upgrade myself.

Oh yeah, and by the way, am I the only one who is happy that Rooney is badly injured????

2006-04-29T14:41:00.000+08:00

I am a very disgruntled western Singapore. (Read: Singaporean living in the west side of the island)

Now that the Pappies have walkovered the entire western part of the country, the atmosphere is so quiet! No use of any campainging! No noise! You should see the northern and eastern part, so happening! The WP rally yesterday invited around 5000-10000 people. But Im not too sure if that number would translate into the votes lah.

There's gonna a PAPa rally tomorrow night at Woodlands Stadium featuring the Sembawang GRC, so maybe gonna check it out. Listening to Khaw B.W will be a pain though.

Screw the Man Utd-Chelsea match lah.

2006-04-29T00:12:00.000+08:00

AAAAARGH.....

Today I have learnt that money is the principle in which life goes on.

You can plan, You can dream, You can hope.

But if you don't have the money, then what is the use?

I NEED A FUCKING BANK LOAN BEFORE I CAN PURSUE MY ACADEMIC JOURNEY.

2006-04-25T11:26:00.000+08:00

This is a great and thought provoking article written by Alfian Saat around 2002, I think. Do note, 2002 was period of time when there was the big hoo-haa of the JI planning to bomb the MRT shit and the tudung issue in schools. Alfian quit his NUS medical studies in his final year to oursue his playwright passion and has not looked back since. So kudos to him.

As a Malay and minority living in a predominantly (and growing) Chinese environment, I can understand and relate largely to his point of view.

Read it carefully. :)

The Racist's Apology - Alfian Saat

I walked out of the house this morning and feared I had become a racist.

I passed by a newsstand and a magazine tells me about 50% of the world's most beautiful people are from the West, 10% from Singapore, 45% from Hong Kong and Taiwan and 5% from India and Malaysia. A JC Decaux billboard says that a lot of people read their ads and they have faces to prove it: Chinese people of various ages and occupations and genders. There are some which show non-Chinese people but they don't have the dignity of individual names, and they are put under the heading 'The Changing Face of Singapore'. This can mean that perhaps the media is using more non-Chinese people in their ads (which I don't see) or that Singapore's demographic makeup is being altered by the arrival of other races (which I am not aware of, historically). I take a bus and TV Mobile is screening a Taiwanese variety programme. A Singaporean beauty contestant wears a cheongsam as her national costume and asks for an interpreter to translate her replies from Mandarin. The Speak Mandarin campaign informs me of what assets are missing from my life.

Tanya Chua's music video comes on and I unconsciously tally the number of Malay people that appear; I have been doing this for some time now, when I was in JC there was a 'My Singapore' music video which showed images of corporate-looking Chinese women walking through the CBD and Malay women in factory uniforms walking through a bus interchange. Tanya Chua's 'Where I Belong' shows three instances of Malay people populating the landcsape: a husband and wife riding a scooter; a father and son on a bicycle, the son carrying a box one presumes is filled with curry puffs or goreng pisang, and a group of Malay youths playing soccer in a housing estate ghetto so run down, it looks like an opposition ward being denied of upgrading, or one of those satellite towns built when Jurong swamps were still being filled.

But perhaps this is an improvement over other images: the satay man, the songbird owner, the mee rebus Makcik, the Malay bride and groom getting married in gold-embroidered finery (and situated on a dais, we Malays like to call them 'royalty for a day', playing the illusion of being king and queen in a country where the royal bloodline has been evicted from their home and told that the ruins of their palace will be converted into a museum). I think about what Sang Nila Utama really did when he threw his crown into the sea to calm the raging storm; whether the gales spoke to his inner ear: 'if you want to live on the island you must surrender all memory of having once been a prince'. At the Sentosa Merlion there are signs that say that Sang Nila himself saw the Merlion rising from the waters, a fact that the Sejarah Melayu, the Malay Annals, failed to mention. Evidently there is someone called 'Sang Nila' somewhere in the executive committee of the Singapore Tourist Promotion Board.

At the foot of the Raffles statue in Boat Quay there is an inscription that says the man's genius transformed a 'sleepy fishing village' into the modern metropolis it is today, this at the foot of a man who recorded in his journals how he saw the tombs of the Malay kings, and inscriptions on a fortress wall, when he first landed: evidence of an empire, of civilisation. In an interview a doyenne of Singapore theatre laments that all Singaporeans are 'cultural orphans', including the Malays, because they migrated from Malaysia and Indonesia, and that makes them immigrants too, no matter that one can take a sampan from Johor to Singapore.

I walk through a park in Tampines and see Chinese boys playing basketball at the court and Malay boys playing soccer on the field; I am comforted that my complete uselessness at ball games has prevented me from taking either side, has by default made me a conscientious objector to such disturbing polarities. In the army a sergeant major never called be by my name; I was called 'Melayu', which I suppose was better than 'Ah-Neh', used to address the Indians in the platoon. I remember a fellow Malay platoon mate who told me to give it my all when I was fasting, this was to prevent anyone from saying that we could use religion as an excuse for our weakness. He was eventually posted to the infantry (not logistics or engineers, much less the Navy or Airforce) and I used to imagine him burning up his pre-fasting morning meal to be the first to charge up the hill, yelling the pain of hunger and the pain of being different. The Malay staff sergeant in Officer Cadet School gave me a lot of **** just to overcompensate, to show everyone that he was not into any form of racial favouritism. I became a victim of the sidelong glances he made as he watched me doing my pushups, those eyes constantly seeking approval from the eyes of the majority.

I see a schoolgirl from a madrasah wearing a tudung on the MRT and she is filling in the pictures in her colouring book. There are many choices among her colour pencils which she can use for skin, but she will use orange, and colour lightly, not brown or black. I have seen her schoolmates before, eyeing branded scoolbags at pasar malams, wearing branded sports shoes, like every other kid. I want to go up to her and hug her, and tell her how her tudung is not just a symbol of modesty, but a symbol of inscrutability. That layer of cloth makes her suspicious to others, it can be used to smuggle in a grenade or an agenda, so she will never get a frontline desk job, she will be expected to hang around with other tudung-wearing women in the university. I think about the fathers who sent their daughters to schools in tudung and reflect on how the media has framed them as ****-stirrers rather than citizens who practised their right to civil disobedience, the same way Gandhi fasted, or Rosa Parks refused to sit at her negroes-only seat on the segregated bus. If I can tell the girl one thing, it is 'integration is not assimilation', or 'tolerance is a failure in understanding' even though it is something she will take time to understand.

I think also of the men who filmed different locations in Singapore with the heinous intent of planting bombs. Did they not consider the various innocent Singaporean lives that could have been claimed by what they were about to do? And I wonder if they had already chosen another country to live in; a country in which they do not have to face a creeping sense of alienation, of redundancy. And I am not talking about an Islamic country, not Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia or anywhere else, but an afterlife paradise, where everyone is equal in the eyes of God, where wearing a sarong or having a beard does not immediately make you a proto-terrorist. Or perhaps a country that exists in their minds, nurtured by a growing sense of insularity and isolation, where they walk the streets and everyone else is just a ghost, in whose dead eyes they cannot find any light of empathy or understanding.

Once someone told me: 'But the government is bending over backwards to accommodate you Malays.' I smiled and wanted to ask him if it wasn't the other way round, that the Malays are made to bend forward to be ****ed senseless. Another time a journalist asked if the statistical evidence of 'progress' shows that Malays are being given the same opportunities as everyone else. I told her that statistics don't do **** for me, as someone who has to live day by day as a Malay person in this country. I told her one Malay Air Force pilot poster boy, and a few bar charts and graphs, don't make me feel more at home. The only thing they do is to convince non-Malays that the country they live in is truly multiracial, that there are no tensions beneath the veneer of newsprint and newscasts and the rosy speeches of Malay MP's.

I have always believed in multi-racialism. I can say with utmost confidence that I have more friends who are non-Malay than those who are. And I mean real friends, who I confide in, who I've shared many things with, who I do love dearly. And yet, of late, I have the feeling that a lot of the things I'm saying, a lot of this talk about alienation and marginalisation, only feeds subconsciously into their sense of how fortunate they are to be born into the status quo. I have written a poem before where I say, 'But more than that we prayed for ourselves,/treading the rosary of our blessings,/for what is pity without thanks for/the opportunity for such pity?' And sometimes I feel as if the more my voice is raised on the fast-eclipsing fate of the minority, the more it feeds into the majority's smugness and arrogance about their assured place in the sun. And this only makes me feel more powerless than if I had kept silent.

So I say now, forgive me if you think my desire to work with my own people marks me out as a racist. Forgive me if you think that my preferences are actually prejudices. Forgive me for retreating into something one can so easily call 'cultural chauvinism'. And I will forgive you for thinking that this person writing this isn't the Alfian that you know, that he has always been moderate and liberal, and I will forgive you if you look at me differently the next time I meet you. For some time already I have felt that as a Malay writer writing in English I have had to carry the burden of articulating so many unvoiced concerns. And the responsibilities associated with this are frightening. I just think it is time I pass on whatever skills I have to other Malay people, so we may tell our stories to those who want to hear them, even though they are stories of loss and loneliness and accidents of birth.

2006-04-24T00:45:00.000+08:00

Managed to catch the FA Cup semi-final clash between Chelski and Liverpoo on the weekend despite a busy schedule.

Man, I must say the the Reds deserved to win. Chelski was crap the entire match lah. The Drogba goal was just a brainless one.

Whatever it is, I care more for next weekend's showdown between the Blues and Fergie's men. Chelski need only a draw to seal the Premiership title at Stamford Bridge and I know damn well that Man Utd is going to pull out all the stops to make sure that it doesnt happen. It wont be just a football match. It will be a war between the two titans. Both teams will fight till the man in black blows off the whistle, so expect a Herculean battle.

Cant wait for May 17th !!! Paris !!! Champions League Final !!!

2006-04-21T16:50:00.000+08:00

SINGAPORE goes to the polls on the 6th May.

Im under Jurong GRC leh.

And chances are my area will not have any opposition.

Does it matter for me in the first place?

Im not even eligible to vote.....yet.

*LOL*

2006-04-19T15:54:00.000+08:00

I cannot believe what I read in the papers today.

A top JC student actually committed suicide as he thought his private parts were too small?

What a dumb-ass joke.

I dont mean to be mean lah, but I couldnt help laughing when I read the report.

And to think that he has a very supportive and loving girlfriend who insisted that everything about him was fine!

D'oh!

2006-04-18T09:57:00.000+08:00

Watched 'Take The Lead' during the holiday weekend and truly enjoyed it. It was not just about dance, dance and dance as the storyline had several valuable lessons that the audience could take with them when they exit the cinema. I guess the drawing factor of the movie is that it really makes you wanna stand up and dance. Or at least attempt to. I give it 4 out 5 stars. Funny script, spontaneous dancers and catchy plot, what more can you ask for?

Now from dancing I'd like to move on to......acting. I have been curious about the new Anugerah show on Suria, thanks to the non-stop repetition of the trailers! So managed to watch it for the first time, however I did not agree with the tagline used by the hosts after they welcomed viewers to the show; "SATU FENOMENA"??? Like, hello? Do they even know what the word means? I do not think the show is a 'Fenomena', guess it's up to the new talents to prove it then. Hmhmhmhm....to be fair, I thought the show was OK and can tell that this time Suria has decided to come up with something different. Upon watching the show, I realised that.....3 of them were my schoolmates and one of the guys is my second cousin! No wonder he looked so familiar.

In my opinion, some of the contestants showed their potential more than the others. I think one of the girls, Dyan, can go far cause she seems to have a very good command of the Malay language as she is more eloquent as compared to the other girls. Furthermore, she portrays a good body posture and shares a good connection with the camera. Other than that, there was a very cheesy moment when some of the guys cried as they got emotional. The only thing I did not like about the show was that the director made the Top 20 stand on stage for sooooo long like statues while the hosts called 3 of them at a time for a short Q&A session. It just doesnt make sense. Why cant they make them sit on a sofa or something instead of making them like a stage backdrop decoration? Plus, the pace of the show was a lil slow and the background music was hideous, man. I am not exagerating.

Besides that, am I the only one who feels that Rafaat Hamzah had a bad body language during the show? He seems like he is so, you know, 'UP THERE' while the contestants are 'DOWN THERE'. As a judge, he shouldnt give the impression that he is selfish in dishing out contructive advice to the newbies when he is being asked to. And the non-stop folding of his arms just further proves my point. It's a not-so-good body etiqutte. Gives me a bad vibe about him.

AND WHY ON EARTH AM I RAMBLING ABOUT A SURIA SHOW ????

2006-04-14T09:45:00.000+08:00

Watched a soccer match with Nisa yesterday evening at Jalan Besar Stadium. Her boyfriend Ajip was in action gurading the Lions' goalpost tight. Being a Lion, we could practically hear him roar out loud at his defenders. Not bad. Thought he performed reasonably well with some good saves and kick outs. Too bad the forwards sucked. Sigh. *Number 13...!!!*

Anyway, what was intersting was the fact that Nisa and I had a weird and funny encounter in the MRT in the way to Lavender. Yakked and yakked. Then......there was this middle-aged man in his working attire carrying a bag pack and a laptop holding on tightly onto a handle in the crowded train laughing at himself while reading a book. Nothing wrong, right? Well, the title of the book he read was "What, Me Pregnant?". And the queer thing was that he was laughing non-stop to himself, accompanied with a series of loud chuckles. Damn freaky man. Worse still, he stood facing the both of us!

We actually took about 10 minutes just to enter the stadium cause apparently we had no idea where the entrance was and had to take a huuuuge turn around the ground before finding a gate that was open. Haha. Oh yeah, in truth we followed an apek. Hehe. The Lions were damn lucky ok! They had a cheerleading squad to cheer damn on 'Live' from just outside the stadium. It was none other than a Lion dance troupe which if Im not mistaken were having their training. The dung-dung-cheng drum beats came just in time while the Lions midfield were doing their best to break through the Balestier defence. But sadly, the forwards didnt take the chance and hence the match ended in a goaless draw. So frustrating.

On the way back, we had another round of non-stop yakking. Nisa cant wait to go to Mustapha Centre to check out the Indian workers there! She said so herself, ok! I dont know lah, out of the blue, she mentioned Mustapha Centre again and again. Haha. Nevermind Nisa, I will bring you to a northern Indian eaterie located at the heard of Serangoon Rd that serves yumaaay tandoori chicken with naan breads ok? Then we can check out Mustapha Centre after that. Heard that it's newly renovated. Oh yeah, and this girl seem to be so observant of Indian men you know. She seems to know at which MRT stop they will most probably board and alight. Hmhmhm.....perhaps she has been frequenting Little India lately.

And lastly..... we made a bet! Should the World Cup end with a Brazil and France finale, the loser will have to suffer in the hands of the winner! Aaaargh...! Nevermind....we'll wait and see. Right now, let's think of a pizza to order. Haha.

2006-04-11T12:56:00.000+08:00

I....am....beginning....to....give....up....on....DIA.

Correction.

Im beginning to give up watching DIA.

The director, screenwriter, editor has totally lost it man.

Just when things are starting to improve, Ivan and Dia are back to their 'oblivious' and 'clueless' roles. Ivan has no idea that Fifi is fooling him....then there's the DIA and Andi part. So frustrating.

I really think Ivan and DIA should just re-marry and live happily ever after.
It's OK if Dwi dies in the end cause she has been sick, like, forever.
Susi and Andi should be left to rot and die cause I cant stand them.
Lastly, Fifi must be sent to a mental institution.

But right now, all of them deserve nothing more than a bitch slap from me, for apparently being so stupid.

Berengsek!!!

Oh yeah, and its official.
Tuesday is Gossip-and-Recap-About-DIA Day for the makcik population.

:)

2006-04-08T14:01:00.000+08:00

Here it is. Time for my blog to have a makeover, and what better skin to have than the one in tribute the great Dae Jang Guem !!! A.ka Jewel In The Palace.

Yep, have been a faithful fan of the show for quite some time now. In fact, for the past year, I've converted myself into a Hall-Yu junkie, which translates into "The Korean Wave" in Korean. The thing about Korean soaps is that it has this ability to captivate audiences with its memerising storylines and driven characters. And I just lurrrrve Korean actors !!!!
They can keep me occupied for hours in front of the TV with their charms and suave-ness. Hurhur.

Well, met up with Nisa on Thursday for lunch but failed to covert her into HallYu-logy. HAHA. That minah said she simply cant stand watching such a show like Jewel In The Palace. Too bad Nab couldnt join us. We ate at this halal Jap restaurant at Far East basement where the waiter irritated me with his super loud greeting. Why is it that whenever one enters a Jap restaurant, he is greeted by 2 or 3 waiters greting him loudly at the same time ??? "Welcooome ! KONI CHIWAAAAAA !!! " Tsk. Other than that, thought we got a pretty good deal for the meal set. $14 for a bowl of miso soul, rice, main course and a choice of drink isnt so bad.

After that we went for what I would call our 'Orchard Rd Pilgrimage'.LOL. Go figure. And we saw..... Khairul Anwar, Olinda and Suzaire. Nisa was like, so star struck by Khairul, ok! I only managed to see his back. Haha. Then I got upset cos I couldnt get my Footie shirt. Sigh.

You know, everytime I meet up with Nisa I learn something new about her. And on Thursday, I learnt that she's gonna support Brazil for this summer's World Cup! *puiiii!!* Eh Nisa, you know how to spell Ronaldinho in the first place or not? Haha. Just joking lah.

Yah yah, green and yellow looks good on you. :)))

Sawadeeeeekaaaaa 2007. Dont forget, ok?

Love you loads!

2006-04-05T23:34:00.000+08:00

HO HO HO.

I just received an invitation from the Silverattis regarding their 6th Year Anniversay Bash.

The event is slated to be held on the 17th January 2006.

And what is the date today? The fucking 6th of April.

Is this a joke? Well, if it is, then they (the powers that be in the dance group) have not done a god job pulling it off.

I guess I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and take it that it was a typo error.

And NO, I do not want to attend the bash.

Why?

Firstly, I have not been with them for years and hence do not feel you know, the 'connection'.

Secondly, the Silverattis today is different from when I was in it.

Thirdly, I never agreed with the 'system' of how the whole group was run.

Fourtly, I thought most of the choreograhy sucked and hardly any of them were original.(Im referrin to the dance of 2001 and 2002, when I was in it)

Fifthly (????) , I just dont see myself mixing with such a company anymore. I am not looking down on them or being arrogant of that sort. They are just the kind of people I do not want to spend my time with. If I were to bump into them in public, I'll just say 'HI'. But that's about it. I dont think I share the same wavelength as them anymore.

Nothing personal.

And hey, I am not the only ex-member who feels the same way about the group.

2006-04-02T22:18:00.000+08:00

My cousin recommended me a job !!!

To sell movie tickets at Cathay.

If I get it..... It'l be the first time I ever get to earn my own money.

I want ! I want !!

2006-03-30T19:46:00.000+08:00

Damn.

I do not want to be in my house right now.

Cause everyone is cheering except me.

Stooooooopid Progress Package !!!

Mum and sis got S$800.

Dad got S$600.

Sigh. And they are all yakking about what they wanna do with the cash.

Can you believe it? My sis plans to use the money to go on a shopping spree.

And what do I, the lay ass unemployed get?

Nothing. But a big fat egg imported all the way from a chicken farm in Perak.

I admit. Im feeling very sore and envious towards my sis because she she received S$800 from the government JUST LIKE THAT !!! *snaps finger*

I want money.

2006-03-28T17:25:00.000+08:00

Why you so liddat ????

2006-03-24T20:34:00.000+08:00

I NEED A JOB.

2006-03-22T09:14:00.000+08:00

What The Fuck.

I have just across a Liverpool fan who does not know the song, nevermind the lyrics to " You'll Never Walk Alone ". What a fucking fake. How can a Reds fan not know it? And to think that she said she's a "fanatic". Fanatic my ass.

I bet she has never heard of legendary Liverpool players like Ian Rush, Kenny Dalgish, David Fairclough, Tommy Smith and Alan Kennedy just to name a few. Who knows, she might not even know the difference between a free-kick and a penalty. Maybe she just supports the Reds because of players like Alonso or Crouch. Tsk.

I am NOT a Liverpool fan, but I have to admit that the it is a club I really admire and respect because of its rich tradition and past successes. The fans are one of the most dedicated and supportive you can find in the world. Just look at how they stand shoulder to shoulder at every of the teams' games, their hands stretched out high holding their Liverpool scarfs while they belt out their club's 'theme' song. And you can just tell how much they mean every single word of the song. Truly magnificent. These are the very people who chose to stay at the stadium on a chilly night in Istanbul although thier team was trailing 3-0 to AC Milan in the 2005 Champs League Final. They could have left the stadium, but they did not.

And that proves the difference between clubs like Man Utd, Liverpool and Chelsea.
Clubs like Manchester United, Liverpool, Barcelona, AC Milan and Juventus are GREAT CLUBS
because of the long footballing history, traditions and success. On the other hand, Chelsea has just earned their right as a GREAT TEAM if you were to follow today's footie.

GREAT CLUB. GREAT TEAM. Two very different terms and meanings.

Cant wait to go on my football pilgrimage in Europe once I can afford it.

God knows when that will be.

2006-03-18T14:11:00.000+08:00

It's 2pm on a Saturday afternoon her in sunny Singapore. And my head is spinning.

That is because my home is being transferred into a temporary refugee camp.
Make that a Tupperware refugee camp.

My mum is currently holding a Tupperware party and I think the entire makcik and pakcik population is inside my house. Sigh. And EVERYONE brought pot-luck meals from their homes so now there's like a grand feast in the living room with loads of rich food. As for me, I've decided to seek refuge in my room cause the last time I stepped out I couldnt even recognise my own living room. It has suddenly turned into Tupperware Haven or something. Every single inch and angle in the guest area is occupied by a Tupperware which is wrapped with see through wrappers with a attached ribbon tied to it. Yah, and there's even sweets inside them.

According to my mum, a lucky guest will walk away with a humungous Tupperware hamper with all the latest Tupperware fridge collection from the lucky draw she'll be holding soon. I gotta say, the hamper is huuuuuge.

So from where I am now, I can smell the distict aroma of the served fruit punch from the kitchen. One of my aunts is lamenting out loud that she hasnt had her breakfast. Another guest screams out loud that she left her handphone at home. My dad is explaining to my blur uncle about the current Thaksin-Shin Corp corruption scandal. My sis is snoring on MY bed and holy fuck I can even hear a kompang wedding beat somewhere underneath? Wedding Kompang on a Saturday ????

Damn. I really need to get out of my house. FAST.

2006-03-16T09:31:00.000+08:00

Four things/people that make me smile:

1) Robert Pires

2) Money ( Having the means to finance myself )

3) Football

4) A good companion

Four ways to win my heart:

1) Owning a personality that complements mine

2) Having a wild sense of humour

3) A nice smile

4) Someone who is clear headed and knows what he wants in life

Four things I believe in:

1) Myself

2) God, his messenger Muhammad and all the Prophets

3) Miracles

4) True love

Four things Im afraid of:

1) God

2) Death

3) Losing the ones I love

4) Ghosts and other supernatural stuff

Four things I do everyday:

1) Bathe

2) Surf the Net and check my mails etc

3) Watch Tv

4) Read

Four things/people I want to see right now:

1) Robert Pires !!!

2) Peace on Earth

3) A billion dollars right in front of me

4) A letter of confirmation stating that I've been accepted to ........

2006-03-13T18:55:00.000+08:00

Errrr....errr...errr..errrr....guess what?

I bought this month's Cleo magazine.
I bought this month's Cleo magazine.
I bought this month's Cleo magazine.
I bought this month's Cleo magazine.

Yah yah, it's the 50 most eligible bachelors issue and I HAVE A FAVOURITE !!!
Oh, and in case you're wondering, it's not one of the so-called mixed Pan-Asian guys.

I can sense my close friends gasping in shock as they read this because I have NEVER spent my money on such magazines. Well I do read them but not religiously, so I myself cant fathom what made me bring the magazine to the counter and buy it.

The first thing I did after tearing out the wrapper was to flip thru the guys and hunt down the Malay guys. ( I admit, Malay Muslim guys will always have top priority to me where looking for a guy is concerned ) Sounds abit shallow, but I dont give a fuck. Its just a personal preference. I mean, there's so many good looking and educated Malay guys from good Malay families and if you ask me, I would prefer having a child that is not confused, lost or out of touch with his/her racial identity. Also, I strongly believe that Malay men are good in bed. And they make good husbands and father too. :)

So OK, back to the Cleo bachelor issue. As I scanned thru the guys and identified the 'Mats', I can safely say that Im satisfied with them. And one of them is my favourite! I dont care if he eventually clinches the title or not, he's still my favourite. I fancy him based on the how he presented himself in the short interview and the impression he left me. And of course, his little interview snippet was accompanied by his charming-yet-suttle smile.

Which then brings me to wonder........

" WHY THE FUCK DONT I EVER GET TO COME ACROSS SUCH CHARMING MALAY MEN? WHERE ARE ALL OF THEM ? "

Are they already attached?
Are they gay?
Are they still living of their parents?
Are they nowhere to be found?

Or maybe am I just blind?

2006-03-07T11:36:00.000+08:00

I wanna watch Army Daze !!!

2006-03-06T18:35:00.000+08:00

Woah.

Apparently, there is some really anti-Islam sentiment going around in the net lately.
Many people, notably from the western world, really hate us Muslims.
Some of the websites are so bad, that the MDA has censored it.
(Oh yeah, dont even try Playboy. They blocked it too)

You know what?
The anti-Islam people should just sit up straight and learrrrn about other religions and practices.
It's about time they get out of their comfort zone, their so-called democratic freedom of speech life and open their eyes to look around at what's really happening in the world.

Yes, we blow people up, we behead, we kill.
Yes, the political state is in the middle east is in shambles.
Yes, there is Islamic extremists.
Yes, we Muslims can get over emotional pertaining to our faith.

If the western world, and other non-Muslims want to view us that way, then let them.
As a moderate Muslim, ( I swear I didnt hear of this term before 9-11 ) I am sick and tired of having to prove to the world that I denounce terrorism and that as a follower of Allah I have to help the world fight the war against terror. I am just exhausted over this whole shit. The way I see it, I just wanna live my life as a Muslim born who seeks guidance from God and all my prophets. I just wanna live in peace surrounded by my family, countrymen and the world community regardless of creed.

IS THAT SO DIFFICULT ???

Dont hate me just because of some fuckheads who happen to kill in the name of Islam.
Dont hate Islam just because of some fuckheads who happen to kill in the name of Islam.
Those fuckheads dont represent me, nor they do to my faith.

Perhaps the western world should themselves, "Why?"
"WHY do the general Muslim world hate us?"

As a Muslim, I sometimes understand why the terrorist target the westerners, but that doesnt mean I condone their actions. I just feel that as a Muslim I am able to see the situation in a different perspective. I do not hate Jews or Christians, but if any of them were to come up to me and say "God I hate you Muslims", most probably I would just ignore them, because with the whole thing going around the world today with all the propoganda and shit the media is stirring up, I dont blame them for hating me. But then again, I just feel sorry for them.

I can accept it if you hate my religion or have any negative views about it, but you dont have to insult or offend it till it gets ugly and personal. Oh boy, the way the world is progressing, I must say that it's just geting more and more fucked up. Just watch CNN or BBC. (Thank god they dont have FOX here.)

Oh yeah, just another question for all of us to ponder about.

" If anti-Islam sentiments are at an all-time high, then why is Islam becoming the fastest growing religion in the world at the same time ?? "

Think about it.

2006-03-04T00:05:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY SHAHNAZ

You know, this has been by far one of the most most difficult and trying times of my life.

I am in situation whereby the I have reached the crossroads and that everything is thrown wide open for me.With the results out an all that, I have been cracking my head so hard on what step I should take next. At this point of time, I cant commit myself to anything and I have no idea what is in store for me. God knows how things are gonna turn out for the next few months. I really need a break, but at the same time I wanna keep myself busy cause I feel the need to make my mind active and productive.

And it is at such a time that I wish there is someone special out there ( besides my mum) to rally myself together and keep my spirits up cause this whole journey has been one which is so emotionally and mentally draining. Yes, I do have close friends out there, but as we grow older each of us are caught up with our own goals and aspirations that we dont have as much time for each other as before. I guess that's something that many people go through with their own group of close friends. Plus, I wouldnt wanna bore them with my thoughts and problems.

Oh well, today is a big day for me. Im gonna put aside all my worries for 24 hours and just enjoy the day. Not letting anyone spoil it.

So here it is.

Happy Birthday To Me.

Wish you were here. It would be nice to have you around. For you have always comforted me in times of pain.

2006-03-02T09:26:00.000+08:00

Sigh.

Just glad that it's allll over.

Now I can really get on with my life.

You know, I don't want to go to University just because it's the next step I'm supposed to take.

I want to pursue an area where I know I can excel in and it provides me with a wider range of job scope.

Right now, Im seriously considering an option for international tourism or event managing, cause it's gonna be a huge hit in a few years with the IR an all. Plus, international tourism will not only provide a limited job scope here in Singapore. If I can gain some experience I can always look for greener pastures overseas if there's a good deal coming my way.

By the way, do you know that the Tourism Acadmy @ Sentosa only accepts A Level and TP Hospitality grads. And.... the fees cost a whopping $12,600 A YEAR. NOT inclusive of books, exam fees, uniform etc. And you leave with only a diploma, not degree.

However, the local universities have not offer such degree courses on such expertise, so I may have to pursue it from a foreign uni. And that is where the $ factor comes in. Tsk. Aiyah, I'l think about it when the time comes lah.

On another note........ today is the death anniversary of my family's patriarch.

Gone but never forgotten.

2006-02-28T20:01:00.000+08:00

Im so nervous, I cant swallow up my own dinner.

And if that doesnt make me feel any better, my grandma called me just now and said this,

"Eh, semalam nyai mimpi yang Shahnaz pass tau! "

Awwwww man. I hope her dreams usually come true.

Someone stand by the ambulance, paramedics and oxygen tank please.

2006-02-28T12:08:00.000+08:00

In about 26 hours time, I will be heading to my alma mater to collect a pice of paper that will determine the fate of my future. The rest of my life depends on the singular, bold letters typed out beside the name of the subjects.

Whatever the outcome, my life will go on.

2006-02-25T16:09:00.000+08:00

HAPPY SWEET 16th BIRTHDAY MY LITTLE BROTHER !!!

2006-02-24T23:16:00.000+08:00

LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX

Well, well, well. Tammy from NYP has really given the whole island something to talk about these past few days.

Which brings me to my topic this time around. Come on. Let's talk about sex.

Many people don't know this. But I have VERY liberal views pertaining to the issue of the birds and the bees. To me, the whole sex-is-sacred-and-you-should-only-have-sex-after-marriage theory is pure bollocks. It's just a belief that is being shoved down the throats of man for generations. If a person is sexual aroused and is in the proximity with someone whom he/she is comfortable with, and both parties duely consent themselves in engaging in sexual activities, then what is wrong with that??

What prove is there that sex is sacred or special only when you do it with your marriage partner??

Sex is satisfaction.

There are countless of married couples out there whose sex lives enter an all time low during marriage life.

My point is, I dont see what the big deal is pertaining to the whole 'virginity' hoo-haa. If I am in love or fond of a man, and have been with him for quite a period of time, having sex with him is a natural option. Why do I need to wait until I get a fucking marriage cert just so that I can get him to fuck me? WHY? Is marriage a fucking license ?? Will my love for him be any more or less before or after marriage? Definitely not.

But of course, I will take precaution lah, and not sleep around with just any guy. And yeah, there's the 'seat belt', which many prefer to do without, for it doesnt really take one for a ride that is as pleasureable. Oh well, we always gotta be aware of safety. Plus, there's birth control pills.
*We can enjoy ourselves, but still we got to prepare in case something screws up right?*

I just detest listening to girls yak about how they VOW to be virgins until their wedding night. It's bullshit. I NEVER believe of saying such things out loud. A reason could be because of my liberal views. But more importantly, how many of us girls can really stick to that? How sure are we that we will stay a virgin till our marriage? HOW SURE? Honestly, I feel that there is a probability that I might not remain a virgin until I tie the knot. Here's why.

What if I get raped and some motherfucker bastard managed to screw me under some void deck?

What if I get drunk in a niteclub, and a man brings me home and fuck me while Im unconcious?

What if I fall so in love with a guy and just in that spur of lusty moment decides to have sexual intercourse with him??

See? I can never know.

And I feel that a person's worth should not be judged by the number of person he/she sleeps with. That just doesnt make sense. We're all human and we all have our own drive. It's not as if a person who sleeps around before marriage is breaking the law or anything of that sort.

If my closest friends tell me that they've slept with their partners I guess I'll just shrug my shoulders and say "ok". And maybe Ill ask if their boyfriend is good in bed. That'll be interesting.

Seriously, sex is something really important to me. If someone were to ask me what is the last thing I would wish for in the time of my life, I would look stright into his eyes and answer, "To have the greatest fuck, of course."

2006-02-17T22:19:00.000+08:00

WHY BOTHER DIETING ???

I think I made a huge mistake these past few days and now Im paying for it.

Dont go on a diet. It doesnt work.

For the past few days, I have been trying to cut down my food intake just so that I can maintain my 41kg frame, but unfortunately it turned out to be a disaster. Damn. So OK, I wasnt really trying to lose so much weight until I become scrawny like Nicole Richie or Lindsay Lohan. All I wanted to do was to change my eating diets and eat more veges and fruits.

So here is my simple diet tactic:

Breakfast - Fruits, juices or breads of anykind with anything on it.

Lunch - Depends. Either I eat something really light, or a small portion of rice. With more vege.

Dinner - A full meal, but I'll only eat until I'm 80% full. After that, stop.

On top of it, no more soft drinks, junk food to be eaten once in a while, out with the potato chips, in with the biscuits ! And.... loads of mineral water and fruit juices! Oh yeah, no oily food and colestrol.

Sounds like a pretty good diet regime? NOT! It has been a nightmare. I have been having non-stop stomach cramps, my head is spinning of nauseasness, I urinate alot and my jeans are slipping off.

Not good.

So dont diet.

Eat whatever you want.
The only difference is, you gotta do it in moderation.

But really, stay away from cholestrol.

2006-02-14T13:05:00.000+08:00

The date is 14th Febuary.

LOVE

You've got LOVE? Spread it.

Lemme see.

I LOVE myself, God, my faith, my family, my real friends, Robby, my freedom, my priviledges, my football, my hockey and all the rest of the things in the world which belongs to me.

And most importantly, I LOVE YOU.

There are thousands of languages and expressions in this world, but I can never choose the perfect one to express how much I love you.

Happy Valentine's Day.

2006-02-12T09:44:00.000+08:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG !!!!

I have just found out about this year's mother of all clashes !!

Believe it or not, this year's Wimbledon finals will end on the same day as the World Cup's !!!
What were the organisers thinking? How can that be? Aaaargh. I bet the English probably damn well know that they wont be making it to the BIG MATCH and that's why they planned it that way. LOL. This is so gonna affect the viewership ratings man. Can you imagine the millions of people from around the world who are huge tennis and footie fans having to split themselves into watching both mathes? Damn. I really hope France AND Federer do not reach the finals. Worse still, I hope both matches are played at the same time! Can anyone tell me if Germany and England has the same time zone?

Switching channels will NOT be fun at all. You do NOT watch a huge match and just change the channels just like that. You'll lose the concentration and intensity of the game. After all, there's no way I can switch channels especially when Im watching the match with a big group of crazy fans. Aaargh.

I cant wait for the time when I have saved enough cash to travel to Europe and experience the European sporting event of MY life. Just think about it. French Open, Champions League, Euro Cup, Wimbledon, F1 Grand Prix and so many else. Plus all the other European Leagues! La Liga, Bundesliga, English Premiership, Seria A. Aaaaaaah. Paradise.

2006-02-12T09:27:00.000+08:00

We all want to feel loved.

We all want to feel happy.

We all want to feel blessed.

We all want to feel powerful.

We all want to feel anger.

We all want to feel sympathy.

We all want to feel elevation.

We all want to feel lust.

We all want to feel suffering.

We all want to feel sensual.

This is what life is all about.

As humans, we all just want to feel.

2006-02-09T16:55:00.000+08:00

I AM IN LOVE WITH JOHN LEGEND !!!

As a fan lah.

He has just garnered this year's Grammy awards for "Best New Artiste" and "Best R&B Album". Plus there's one more I cant remember!
His songs are simply beautiful and they give give me this tingling feeling at my ear whenever I listen to them.

I Love "Ordinary People". The song was nominated for "Song of The Year".

Oh yeah, he won "Best R&B Male Vocal performance"!

Wow.

Oh yeah, cant wait to get Kanye West's "Late Registration".

Visit www.johnlegend.com

2006-02-07T17:22:00.000+08:00

Curly black hair and a funny nose = Your typical Jew ??

Today at the breakfast table :

Me: Ma, dont you think Nicolas Cazale (some hot French actor) looks alot like Adam Brody?

Mum: Huh? Adam Brody?

Me: Aiyah....that O.C guy lah. Seth Cohen.

Mum: NO LAH! Nicolas looks more handsome. His facial cut is so much better!
That Adam Brody looks like a typical jew! Just look at his hair and nose!

???????????????????????????????????

Oh yeah, and guess who I met on the train yesterday ??

FAIZ!!! Yeah, he was the guy who kissed me on our graduation day back in sec school!

He's damn funny lah. Still playing sepak takraw (apparently for the money) and doesnt seem that much interested in school.

Our little friend here was on his way to fetch his parents at the airport who were arriving home from their Hajj pilgrimage. Dunno whether it's true or not lah, cause earlier on he said he was going there to meet his friend.

Me: Arent you supposed to be in school?

Him: Aiyah...only left 2 months. Not important lah.

Me: Huh? But now ITE not that bad what. Becoming more reputable. Just tahan lah.

Him: Kau tengok budak ITE tu semua. (Points at the ITE uniformed students in the train) Kebanyakan class semua start kul 12. Habis pukul 2 atau 4. Kau bilang aku, sape nak pergi sekolah macam gitu....?

Me: But it's school what.....kau takde final graduating exam ke? Im sure you need to pass that.

Him: Itulah.....tunggu 2 bulan aje....I only care about the cert.

And then we both go on talking about our lives. And that goondu apparently sold his bike to Zainul cause he was sick and tired of paying fines for using spare parts. Now as his kakis zoom their way around the island, our little mat here is bike-less.

We talked and talked and talked and talked. And still managed to bitch about the good ol' Yusoffian days.

What memories.

2006-02-06T08:59:00.000+08:00

I woke up early today to read my daily dose of the international news on the net and guess what are the headlines??

( Oh btw, I read online news from other countries cause The Straights Times just let us read what the gahmen thinks we should read )

AT LEAST ONE DEAD IN ISRAELI STRIKE ON GAZA

LEBANON MINISTER QUITS OVER PROPHET CARTOON RIOTS

PRIEST SHOT DEAD IN TURKEY

TWELVE KILLED IN PAKISTAN BUS CRASH

THREE SYRIAN ISLAMISTS KILED IN SECURITY FORCE CLASH

28 WOUNDED IN LEBANON CARTOON CLASHES

THREE PALESTINIANS IN ISRAELIS ROCKET ATTACKS IN GAZA

CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG ???????

Now I know when they say that Bad news is Good news.

2006-02-03T20:51:00.000+08:00

TODAY IS THE DAY WHEREBY I WAS SO BLOODY CLOSE IN GETTING CAUGHT BY THE COPS FOR NEARLY TRYING TO MURDER AN OLD LADY.

Well, actually it would have only been a manslaughter lah, cause it wasnt pre-meditated.

Anyway, the accident occured, from all places, the HDB elevator. I was going back home after sending my grandma her lunch and as I was about to close the lift door an elderly Chinese lady, aging from about her 60's-70's, out of the blue entered it. Instead of pressing the "DO" (Door Open) button, I aimed at the wrong one. Yeap, you guessed it, "DC". And let's say that the rest is history.

I pressed on the DC button for a looooooong time and the closing door pushed the old lady right to the extreme end of the lift entrance and she just dropped the huge bags that she was carrying. Woah. Serious man, I thought that I had initially crushed her shoulders cause she seemed to be in real pain! Wait a minute, it was more like a slam more than a push. Ouch.

The worst and most embarrasing part was that I could only say "Sorry auntie" to the lady. I didnt even ask her if she was hurting or offered to pick her bags. Luckily for me, she didnt seem to mind and kept silent, staring down throughtout the whole time in the lift. Judging from my less than remorseful actions, I was expecting some Hokkien expletives or scoldings from her.

Sometimes, I can be very insensitive.

However, I did apologise.

2006-01-22T10:53:00.000+08:00

You've got some leftover meat stuck in between your teeth.

2006-01-21T23:23:00.000+08:00

A CASE OF DEJA VU?

OR A TWIST OF FATE?

How would you feel, if something that you have learnt to let go after a long time suddenly reappears right in front of your eyes, and there is nothing you can do about it ?

You want it out of your life, you do your best to push it away, you scorn at at albeit reluctantly, but it just.....but it just.....wont go away.

Yesterday I had a dream, wasnt sure if I should call it a nightmare. I dont usually have dreams in my sleep but last night was abit different. I dreamt that I was already an adult working n a huge foreign firm in downtown London. One day my boss engaged a meeting with a client and his associates to discuss some business dealings with them. So as I was settling down in the meeting room, a medium built, tanned Asian gentleman originating from the Malay Archipelago (judging from his looks) walked in and as I looked up, there he was. I was so filled with shocked that I nearly knocked over my cup of coffee on the table.

He introduced himself and suddenly, it all came rushing back. I mumbled to him, "What are you doing here? " He replied, and grabbed my shoulders by the side, "It's been a long time. Let's start all over again. "

" What? All over again? Dont take me for a ride, ****************** ! You left me in the lurch! I hate you! Move off... dont come near me. Go away! GO AWAY !!! "

GO AWAY !!!!!!

By that last word, my eyes opened and I got up from my sleep.
It was only a dream.

Phew, that was close.
Dreams in our sleep usually dont come true, do they?

In this case, I hope not.
It is just too exhausting for me to go through it all over again.

" It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now..... " -Celine Dion.

2006-01-19T00:00:00.000+08:00

Ok, my life has been pretty much, well, lifeless now since Im temporarily waiting for my results.
So I have found myself something to blog about.

Four jobs you’ve had in your life

- Errrr none.

Four movies you could watch over and over

- The entire Godfather trilogy

- White Chicks

- Love Actually

- A Hindi film with Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol in it. (Cant rmb the title)

Four places you’ve lived

- Bukit Batok Blk 169 (Singapore)

- Bukit Batok Blk 112 (Singapore)

- Sharjah, Dubai (UAE)

- My aunt's HDB apartment somewhere in Jurong for a few months.

Four TV shows you love(d) to watch

- F.R.I.E.N.D.S

- Sex In The City

- Desperate Housewives

- The West Wing

Four places you’ve been on vacation

- Hong Kong

- Indonesia

- Thailand

- Dubai

Four websites you visit daily

- The New Paper Online

- Cyberita Online

-Today Online

- ESPN Soccernet

Four of your favourite foods

- Chilli crab

- Durian

- Cheese pizza

- Potatoes

Four places you would rather be

- The Carribean

- Phuket

- Hawaii

- Bali

2006-01-12T15:50:00.000+08:00

WHEN IS IT EVER GONNA STOP RAINING ???

I wanna run and do my fitness !!!

2006-01-06T12:53:00.000+08:00

The ONE thing I wish to do in 2006 ......

Is to visit Cambodia and climb Angkor Wat.

2006-01-03T00:25:00.000+08:00

Post 5 random/weird things about yourself.
At the end,list the names of 5 people who you want next to do this and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED" in their blogs.

Ok, here it goes....

1) I am absolutely terrified of swallowing pills. They freak me out ! I hate them so much that I pray I would never be sick cause I cant bear to suffer whenever I have to take them. Please don't tell me that I'll have to take them when I get pregnant cause women in the olden days didnt have to take any form of pregnant medicines and it worked well for them and their babies.

2) Deep down inside, I've always wanted to be an SIA girl. (I still dream of being one today) But Im just too fucking short. And I'll look hideous in blue eye shadow. But I just love the whole sarong kebaya and trolly bag along with the hair bun look. When I was young, I would practice my favourite line, "Would you like orange or apple juice? " in front of the mirror. Sadly, as I grew up I began to accept the fact that my dream may never materialise......

3) I love watching foreign films. In fact, I feel that many of the Hollywood movies produced nowadays are cheesy.

4) I am a very argumentative person. Don't think I need to elaborate on that. I guess that's what Im famous for. It's just part of my personality.

5) I hate the sight of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie together. They make me wanna puke. Call me bias or whatever cause Im a huge fan of Jennifer Aniston. I just hate them. Mr and Mrs Smith sucked anyway. Havent you guys heard already? Angelina is rumoured to be pregnant and her 2 children have changes their surname to Jolie-Pitt. Yuck. What an eye-sore. (Yeah yeah, Im such a gossip sourgrape)

Ok, Im not gonna make anyone's life difficult and not tag futher.

2006-01-02T23:55:00.000+08:00

REFLECTION & RESOLUTION

So 2006 is finally here and I am pretty much wondering how the year would turn out for me.

Firstly, there is my studies for me to really ponder on. Whether I make it to Uni or not, I am definitely furthering my studies for sure.

Secondly, I am getting a part-time job. I NEED it. It's about time I start earning an income for myself. Gotta begin filling up my bank account with cash. Plus, I'm planning to save up for my driving license. Lubang, anyone?

Then who can forget THE WORLD CUP ???? I tell you man, the tournament is gonna be a HUGE HUGE HUGE thing for me personally this year. Cant wait! Im not happy about the grouping though, although I hope that there'll be loads of upsets and surprises this year. In fact, I've even bought my France top from the Adidas store the other day. Whether Robby is selected or not I dont care, what's more important is that the Les Blues go further as they can in Germany. Watch out for the Netherlands and Argentina showdown in the group stage!

Next, there is another R&R. Roam and Romance. Okok, no Im not looking for my other half. It's just that, I feel it's about time I start widening my circle of friends if I want to have a more active social life. So I guess..... I would need to make more friends. And this is kinda hard, cause honestly Im not good at making friends, or usually people dont really get a good first impression of me. It's a fact; I am just not good at mixing with people, especially the ones I do not know. So this is an area I have to work on.

Finally, my fitness. My aim is to eat in moderation, go to the gym regularly and my level of fitness consistently throughout the year. Also, I wish to adopt a more healthy lifestyle.

So that's about it. If I can achieve all of the above in 2006, then I can truly say that it has been a good year for me!

2005-12-30T15:54:00.000+08:00

A LOOK BACK INTO 2005

Wow. How time really flies. Its less than 48 hours to a completely new year and suddenly I find myself thinking back about what I have done and achieved in 2005, which is alot I must say.

2005 has been a HUGE year for me. I prepared myself for my big A's, which I claim to be the 'Most imporant exam in my life'. There was nothing but school, school, revision,lectures,mock exams that were enough to kill me. Honestly, I have never studied so hard in my life. But the experience was priceless. I thoroughly enjoyed myself in school and even if I do not make it to Uni, I definitely know that I will make it in life. Well, the exam came and went, and Im not too sure as to how well I've performed but Im not going to spend too much time thinking about it. What is more imporant is that I plan my future.

Besides my schoolwork, there was also another important thing that made my school life so meaningful not only this year, but throughout my A Level education, and that is my role as a school hockey player. We were really a force to be reckoned with this year, and I will never forget the tears that rolled down our cheeks on that day. All it took was one shot corner, and our dreams were dashed. We entered the tournament with a solid team, despite missing our seniors who have graduated. Yeah, the journey was not so smooth, but the important thing is,we slogged it out, depended on each other and I figured that's what being a sports team player is all about. Pain is Temporary, Victory is Forever.

And then I received my Project work and MT AO level result, which is reasonably
commendable. A B3 for my Malay and Distinction for Aural? Well, the truth can't lie. Frankly that was a motivation for me to do well in my other subjects. I still cant believe I got a distinction for my spoken Malay.......

Besides school life, my familial relationship has been relatively OK. There was no major turning points that affected my family, except perhaps for a few deaths of my elderly relatives. Oh yeah, this year I am really proud of my brother who organised a couple of successful band gigs where he managed to reel in huge profits for himself and establish his name in the local gig scene. My sis finished school and got herself as a pediatrics nurse in NUH. Mum is fine, still trying to break even from whatever money she gets from dad, and has started to take anti-osteoporosis pills. Her bones not stong lah. She also broke her fourth toe on her left foot. ouch. Dad is on high blood pressure medication for good and now watches his diet. No more oily and sweet food.

On a personal note, Im proud of myself for saving enough money all year long for my widely anticipated Hong Kong trip. Last year, I made a pact to save my own cash and I did it. I WALKED THE TALK. Well, I hope we girls can travel again in the future. How about a cruise in 2007?

The HK trip was a success. I can laugh at myself whenever I look back at the pictures that were taken there. MISSY! MISSY! Shenzen lah, the flight with flirty Zali lah, the 40 minute Q for Minnie lah, the MTR ride lah (NAAAb!!!) Haha (Inside joke). Oh yeah, and who could forget our infamous Wan Chai adventure. Hahahahahaha......

I also had my first clubbing experince at Zouk and Phuture. Quite a bore actually. Think it will be awhile before I go clubbing in the future.

And here comes 2006. Cant wait for it man. WORLD CUP!!!!!!!
Then there will be a whole new academic experience for me, perhaps I'll be having a part-time job. Maybe a boyfriend? I dont know.

We'll just wait and see.

2005-12-20T17:21:00.000+08:00

GUESS WHO'S BACK ??

Hello everyone!

Im back here in sunny and sticky Singapore all the way from my week long trip to Hong Kong!

Well, the trip was an overall success. And it was only in the plane ride home that I realised that we did not visit Tsim Sha Tsui! (What the hell!)

Nonetheless, we had a whole lot of fun and it was a super dooper experience for me, Hanisa and Nabilah. We shopped quite alot, ate alot, walked alot and for Nisa, she farted alot.

Here's how the trip went.

On Sunday (11/12/2005) Nisa and I spent the night in Nab's apartment cause our flight was at 8 so we thought that it is much convenient to take a cab together to the airport. So we slept at about 12 and made a point to wake at 3.

Monday (12/12/2005) YIPEEEE! The day is here! Woked up at 3, showered, got ready and everything and took the cab asap to Changi. Guess what? The moment we got off the cab, we were greeted by this VERY familiar face, and it turned out to be Ajib! (FYI, he's Nisa's other half). We learnt that he took a cab all the way frm Choa Chu Kang and boy was Nisa glad to see him. Next, we wasted no time in checking our bags in, exchanged our money to HK currency and then had breakfast at BK.

The flight was smooth, thank God but the meal sucked. My ear was hurtin like hell due to the pressure and I must say that Nab and Nisa had a hard time coaxing me cause I was behaving like a restless, uncontrolable little kid. HAHA. Oh yeah, and there was this steward Zali who was flirting with Nab and was dumb enough to think that the 3 of us were sisters. Like HELLO! Look at our faces for God's sake!!!

Once we landed, we sorted out our immigration and luggagages and off we went to Nab's place.
Her home was located amidst the HK hills and the cab ride there made me a little giddy cause the route was not a straight one. Loads of turns. Had a sumptuous home cooked lunch and went shopping around the town area after that.

I didnt buy aolt of stuff on the first day cause there was really nothing that I liked. saw this nice roxy top but it didnt suit me so....dint buy it at last.

Tuesday (13/12/2005) Had lunch at The Cricket Club. Oh yeah, Nab's elder cousin Aiman happened to be in HK for a short trip after his BMT so we went together to Mong Kok to do shopping at a popular flea market called the Ladies Market where there were loads of shops selling nice clothes and consumer products. Let me see, I bought a Korean sereil DVD for my mum, a cap for my cousin...and errr that's it! The sales person there were very rough and we were kinda scared to do any bargaining!

In the evening Auntie brought us for a ride to The Peak where we saw the beautiful skyline of HK! It was damn cold and of all time to eat ice cream we had Haagen Daaz at the colf peak itself! But it was fun!

Wednesday (14/12/2005) We went to China!! Shenzen be exact. This was the day when we were tested on the art of bargaining, and I am confident to say that we all passed with flying colours as the hours went by. The place is famous for it triple AAA branded goods and the mall that we went to was huge and confusing like a maize trail cause firstly there were shops everywhere and most of them were selling the same kind of goods! So if we wanted to go to a particular shop for a second time we had to remeber from which escalator we came from. As for myself I shopped quite a bit, bought myself a pair of jeans, Chinese stamp with my name on it, a pair of preety shoes, a purse and accesories. Overall we had alot of fun and Auntie Nora (Aiman's aunt) treated us to a delicious meal at a Chinese restaurant where the food was simple great! MISSY MISSY!

Thusday (15/12/2005) DISNEYLAND!!! It was bloody cold in the morning and we were freezing the moment we waited for the gates to be open. Had a ticketing problem with regards to the train ride and boy did we all wanted to give the MTR worker a huge punch on his face. Blame it on the language barrier man. Poor Nab. Guess what? We queued up for a whopping 40 minutes just to take a pic with Minnie! Personally, I felt kinda guilty for it, cause it was my suggestion to do so. Haha. And not to mention, we only managed to take 2 freaking rides cause the most of the Q for the other rides we bloody long and were infested by all the PRCs. So we sat around, ate junk food, bought souvenirs, and waited for the parade to start. Seriously, I thought the Disneyland was kinda small but I liked the Main Street the most. Cant wait to go to Disneylanf Tokyo next. Whatver it is, my childhood wish came true. I made it to Disneyland.

Friday (16/12/2005) Woke up early to go to Stanley Market. It's located on the other side of HK and is a prime tourist destination. The stuff sold there are vary in anumber of forms and we had a great lunch at a restaurant called Lucy's. Bought for myself a pair of flip flps and a custom made t-shirt with my name done in Chinese calligraphy. Cool.

At night we just chilled and did silly girly stuff in the house. What a night it was. Soul Plane was hilarious. Haha. And Nisa seemed to be on steroids, or some kind of hyper drug. Haha.

Saturday (17/12/2005) A-HA! This was THE day. HAHAHAHAHA. Believe it or not, this turned out to be the most exciting and memorable day of the entire trip for a particular reason. HAHAHAHHAHA. Just ask Nab and Nisa. In the morning, we had a hike up the mountain. It was tiring, but as much as we wanted to go as further as we could, someone could not take the 'heat' and wanted out. So we only trekked for about and hour before going home.

However, this was just the beginning as none of us had braced ourselves for what was to happen at night when we had another hike up the mountain. Wanna know more about what happened? read my next post. I'll tell you all about it. It was mayhem I tell you.

Sunday (18/12/2005) It's time to go home! Nab's parents sent us all the way to the airport and it felt like a zoo over there! There were so many domestic workers from the Philippines and Indonesia and people were all cutting queues oh and well, the whole thing was just disorganised. I wanted to get rid of my HK cash badly so I managed to do some last minute shopping at the DFS and bought loads of chocolates for my family. In fact, Im munching on them right now!

The flight home was fun and guess what? I got a Mickey Mouse kiddy bag by the steward!! Seriously, do I look THAT kiddy? Nisa was laughing at me when I showed her the bag and I took it all in the name of fun and gave to her for her baby nephew. Once again, the food sucked and we both demanded a Magnum ice cream. Nisa was iritated cause the Indian guy in front of her kept pushing down his seat and she kept giving hints for the passenger to 'put his chair upright'.
Haha.

I have loads of pics which have yet to be uploaded. Once they are ready I will find a way to put them up here in my blog. So watch out for it!

It's so great to be back home!

2005-12-07T20:55:00.000+08:00

I cannot take it anymore.

My mum is driving me up the wall with her annoying antics.

It's about 5 days to my trip and guess what?
She forced me to pack my stuff and then she checked and RE-CHECKED my stuff.
I was like... "WTF???"

If she wanted to such to check on the barang-barang that Im bringing, she could have just packed for me my clothes from the beginning. It's like as if she's the one who is travelling.

Other than that, I've preety much got all the stuff I need, except for certain toiletries.

Oh yeah, speaking of which I went down to the SIR building at Lavender today to collect my spanking new passport! And it took me only 5 minutes to collect it and before I knew it I was out of that bloody crowded building. It seems that SO MANY people are either re-doing, extending, registering someone's birth or death at the same time! So crowded! There seemed to be a never ending flow of human traffic going in and out of there! But thanks to the wonderful technology we have today, waiting was such a breeze!!!!

Ok Im off now to go pack my stuff again. The new set of laundry has just been completed, so I can finalise the clothings and lingerie that I need.

2005-12-01T11:35:00.000+08:00

What a weird day......

Mama Alwi Rashid dropped 2 bombshells on my siblings and I yesterday.

Number 1 : Someone in our family has nose cancer and needs to remover her nose ASAP before the tumor breaks and spreads the cancer. Poor thing.

But that is not as bad as bomshell numero dos.

Number 2 : My block is haunted. Like, 100% super ultra confirmed chop passport haunted! Im sure by now some people have already known that I stay at the infamous block 112 at Bukit Batok and there was rumour of a ghost to be living at a unit household at the fifth story.

But here's a twist my mum gave me yesterday NIGHT just as I was ABOUT TO SLEEP!!

It was 10 plus and both of us girls (my sis and I) were already lying around on our bed sms-ing away and, you know, settling down to go to bed. All of a sudden my mum walked in and I joked loudly in a very manja tone, " Mama, you havent gimme good night kiss and a hug! Quick! I want! "

Then she sat on my bed and told us " You all better be careful when you sleep ah. Sebelum tidur baca doa....and dont look out of your window. " After that I was like..... ????? " Why is telling me all this?? "

I looked towards and said " Ma, all these ghost and toyol stories are over! There's nothing wrong with our flat! "

But my mum persisted and warned, " Whether or not there's a toyol in that house I dont care, but you all must watch out, cause our neighbours have been seeing things. Cik Bedah (our neighbour from the ground storey) said she always nampak HER around the tree infront of our our block. Itu tempat 'hang-out' dia. Never EVER walk past that row of houses at night alone. SHE'S ALWAYS there. Somemore, the neighbour downstairs has the ability to see things. She has been saying that have been 'unwanted guests' around our block. And it's affecting her new born baby. "

By this time, I was already panicking abit and I told myself, "No wonder the baby downstairs has been crying all this time! " My mum then stood out and closed all the windows and drew the curtains around the house. It's bad news for my family, cause our unit is surrounded by trees and the first thing you will see when you look out from ALL the windows is HUGE TREES. Dont believe me? Come to my house.

And at the wee hours of the morning I was awaken by a loud thud sound from upstairs. I looked around to check the time so I went into my parents room and guess what the time was? 2.58 am! I swear! For those who have watched The Excorcism of Emily Rose, the time 3.00am is the time that excorcism rituals are usually carried out and it was at THAT exact time that Emily Rose experienced her encounter with the devil.

I PANICKED LIKE FUCK!
I rushed back to my room and quickly went back to sleep, burying my face to my pillow and shutting my eyes tight.
Was I scared? DUH!
Firstly, it was already exactly 3am and if that wasnt bad enough, MY BLOCK IS HAUNTED!
So of course I had EVERY REASON to be scared.

I forced myself to get back to sleep....but I couldnt stop tossing and turning in bed.
The stupid cat was meowing non-stop downstairs and that kinda bothered me.
I decided to sneak into my brother's room to get his mp3 but I just couldnt find it!
How sway man.....
Then I said to myself "Nevermind, get the Quran from the cupboard and put it beside my bed...At least can keep me calm "
But somehow.....when I went to the respective cupboard..I couldnt get my hand on it. I keep taking out the WRONG book and my hand did not reach the Quran. After what seemed like eternity I still did not see the Quran. Was my eyes playig tricks on me? Or was it something else? Or was I just being blind at that time?

Glad everything's ok now.
I tell you man, this area gives me the creeps at night.
Seriously.

I just cannot wait to move out of here.

2005-11-29T16:27:00.000+08:00

I have now reached the point of time where I have absolutely NOTHING to do with my life.
OK, actually I do lah, but it's just Im waiting till the time is right and I've settled down before I start looking for a job. (Read: After I return from my HK trip) Guess until then, time is gonna pass by at a very veeeery slow rate.

Oh well, lemme talk about yesterday.
Yesterday was a good day.
It wasnt perfect, but it was good.

Yesterday was a good day because.... :

a) I finally got to visit Nab and Nisa's place for raya.

b) Our raya outing consisted only of the 3 of us. Meaning: Peace and w/o the kecoh-ness.
Im sure you all by now that I simply hate raya outing in huge groups.
That's why I hardly ever go raya outings with my friends!!!

c) We girls did NOT wore our traditional baju kurungs.
In fact, we wore casual tops and knee-length skirts!
That was sooooo un-Melayu. Haha.
Nisa was the worst one!
Her skirt was hanging from her waistline....can see abit of her flesh! HAHA!
Oh yeah, and she farted twice. Luckily didnt poison us like chemical gas.

d) Nab and Nisa gave me a free makeover courtesy of M.A.C make-up products.
The foundation was quite good, maybt I should switch from Body Shop to M.A.C.

e) Got to eat murtabak at Nisa's place.
Instant one somemore!

f) Nisa's mum commented that I've gained alot of weight!
She specifically said "Gemuk"..
Alah cik, mana ade.....
But it's good to gain weight lah, at least Im not scrawny like some girls.
Want to be so thin for what?
The most important thing is to be HEALTHY, regardless of size. Agree?

g) My place was the last one we visited.....and this means...
I dont have to go home after that!!!!
Overall a nicely planned outing!

And later on, I'll be meeting my hockey team mates for a makan session at Ezan's place.

Looking forward to a feast.....
Which then made me realised....

Why on Earth did I bother to work out at the park just now when I am going to stuff myself with food later on?

2005-11-29T10:47:00.000+08:00

Can you believe it ??

I went jogging today at the park after a looooooooooooong hiatus from my regular fitness regime.

Huffff....puffff....hufffff.....puffff......

2005-11-26T08:22:00.000+08:00

R . I . P

GEORGE BEST
1946 - 2005

Manchester United and Nothern Ireland player.

You know, I have never been able to witness Georgie play at the peak of his career but somehow what I read and heard about him never failed to awe me. My older folks told me that he as a legend of his time, terrorising his opponent's defence and mesmerising the world with his natural born talent.

When I was in primary school and had just understood the game of football, I asked my dad who was his favourite football player, and he said " GEORGE BEST. LOVED HIM. He was really special. "

I bet he was. I would love to own a video portraying his goals and perhaps even the Man Utd games which he played in. God, it would be a real treat to see Sir Bobby Charlton, Dennis Law and him play together. After all, the 3 of them made up "The Holy Trinity" of football.

I may not like Manchester United one bit, but as a universal football fan, I must say that today is a sad day for the club and the fans.

Goodbye El Beatle!

2005-11-23T12:40:00.000+08:00

MEASURE FOR MEASURE.

You know, I am always under the impression that if there's a certain hu-ha regarding an ongoing controversy then it's better not to make any comment about it, because if you try hard to shout out your opinion at the same time when so many people are doing the exact same thing, then chances are your voice would most probably not be heard.

But I've had enough. I have to make MY comment on the execution of Australian drug traficker Nguyen Tuong Van.

He was convicted by Singapore of trying to smuggle 400 grams (0.9 lb) of heroin from Cambodia, is to be hanged on December 2 despite repeated pleas from Australia to reconsider clemency for the former salesman.

Currently, there is an uproar from the general Aussie public AND even European Mp's have urged Singapore to have mercy on Nguyen.

"The death penalty is firmly rejected in the European Parliament, but it is applied here. Clearly, we have different positions," Hartmut Nassauer, chairman of the delegation for relations with Southeast Asia, told reporters at a briefing in Singapore. "We believe in universal democracy, rights and human law. "

Well you see, this man came into Singapore and was arrested here according to OUR law.
Therefore it is plain and simple that he should be convicted based on Singapore's law.
I believe that the island-republic must not give in to Australia's pleas because if not then it shows that the law is not functioning.
We have stood by our death penalty for years and why should we change our policy now?
Just because a foreign country thinks its wrong?
So what if Australia is against execution and thinks it's against a human's right?
Does that mean Singapore should follow suit and must not execute the former's own citizen?
Where is the respect for the law?

We must abide to our own laws and not let other countries dictate how we should punish convicters arrested in the country.
No other country should tell Singapore how to run itself.
When a person commits a crime, he must be convicted and punished according to the extent of the respective crime.
Fairly enough, when a Singaporean breaks a law overseas, he would have to be to be tried according to the respective country's law.
Yes, some people overseas and even locals might feel that Singapore death penalty law is unjust and stupid. But if it really IS the case, why bother challenging it in the first place??
Now some Aussies they wanna boycott Singapore and suggest that the Aussie gahmen place economis sanctions on Singapore.

What a bunch of bunch of asswipes!
Dont these people realise that that S'pore and Aust depend ALOT on each other in trade and bilateral issues?
Summore Aust nearly wanted to bring this matter to the ICJ!
Wth....bring ah!
Many Aussies believe there should be clemency for the sake of sympathy with regards to Nguyen's family?

I say,
Sympathy? What sympathy?
If Nguyen really loved his family in the first place, he would not have dabbled in drugs.

We have strict statuts and most biting laws,
........
And (if) Liberty plucks justice by the nose,
The baby neats the nurse, and quite athwart
Goes all decorum.
- Measure for Measure by William Shakespeare.

2005-11-23T08:28:00.000+08:00

MUMMY! IT'S OVEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!
(Say it the same way the green monster from Just For Laughs says it)

You know what are my chance of entering Uni???

0!

Yep, you got me right.

Zero. Kosong. Zilch. Nil. Nada. Big fat egg!

So I guess I'l have to enter the workforce AND take some courses to upgrade myself.
Im not gonna retake my A's!
Who in the world does that anyway???
It's a dumb exam.....and I took so long to realise it!

I MUST learn a new skill or something.

Must make myself more employable and marketable mah....right?

Last night I was asking myself, "What skill do you possess Shahnaz, that can help you get a jo? "

Then I thought and thought and thought....and realised....

That the only 'skill' I have is the ability to talk non-stop.

Heh.

2005-11-17T09:52:00.000+08:00

ECONOMICS 9079 is officially over !!!

But the worse is yet to come when I'l be getting my results in late Feb/early March!

Damn, here's a commentary on the paper.

Econs 9079/01 : MCQ. This paper carries alot of weightage in reality. My teacher kept remimding me that if the student fails this, chances are he's gonna fail the whole paper, provided he does well for the rest.

Fuck lah, it was pretty alright. But was damn wordy and tricky that I had to really crack my brain to figure out the MOST SUITABLE answer. Seriously, out of the 4 options, 2 or 3 of them could have been the answer! And if that doesnt make things any worse, this paper is my weakest link for the entire subject. Tsk.

Econs 9079/02 : Arrrgh!! Labour market came out for DRQ!! And I barely studied it! All I knew abut the topic is that it talks about wage differentials and all that shit, plus MRP=MR x MPP. That's about it! But I tried to make sense out of the whole issue and well, hope I pass.

Case study was alright, but I KNOW that I have lost at least 2 marks because I gave the wrong formula for MPC and APC. Sigh, bloody careless.

Econs 9079/03 : Tsk, Tsk....wasnt that bad actually lah if one would have studied consistently, cause the questions were pretty much your typical A lvl Econs questions. So if I fail, I only have myself to blame. Oh and I did one 25 marks ques which I must say is a huge risk, but I didnt have got much choice. Considering I more or less knew the demands of that particular question and was fimiliar with the topic... so well....we just wait and see how lah.

You know what?

If I dont make it to NUS or NTU, it will be all because of Economics, and the fact that I didnt give enough focus for the subject earlier in the year....so....arrrgh! Forget it! It's over!!!

2005-11-15T18:55:00.000+08:00

Check this out.

Why do girls say that they have lost their virginity where in fact they knew where it went to ???

7 more days, bebeh, and Im all yours.

Brace yourself to get Shahnaz-ed. It's a once in a lifetime experience.

Savour the moment that awaits you.

2005-11-12T09:33:00.000+08:00

I need to vent out my furstrations and worries right now.

Woah.

Just finished sitting for me GP and euro History paper yesterday.

Here's all I can say about the papers:

GP: WHAT A BITCH! MOE-Cambridge really gave us a cure ball with this paper!
Paper 1 was okaaaay, but Paper 2 was challenging.
I think I kinda fucked up the most important AQ in my life.

Euro History: Not bad laaaaah. But I was running out of time for the last question on Russian Rev, so my essay was kinda skimpy.

Tsk. Sigh.

2005-11-05T21:25:00.000+08:00

I simply cannot comprehend how and why some people think it is just so easy to turn to God everytime they want a 'miracle'.

God will only help people who help themselves.

So if you pray just hoping that He will listen and decide to help you, without making the effort to help yourself, then I suggest you dont do it. Because that is not what praying is all about.

If you want something, you jolly well work hard for it.
Never depend on anyone.
If you ever fall or fail, just dont give up.
Get on with life.

But dont moan and whine like as if the whole world owes you an apology.
And just dont expect God to help you oh-so-suddenly when all these while you have forgotten all about Him.

God is not a welfare state, nor is He a charity organisation.

2005-10-29T14:01:00.000+08:00

The Past Few Days.

These are the things that I have learnt about myself, for the past few days.

I have learnt that :

Im not really a nice person.

2005-10-25T14:35:00.000+08:00

BAPTISM OF FIRE

I wish my grandma would die a painful and horrible death.
I wish I could drive her out of my house and never see her face again.
I hate her cooking.
I hate her never ending burping.
I hate her guts.
And I just.....hate every single thing about her.

That old, useless bitch actually complained to my aunts that I am a very lazy daughter in the house.
I hardly help around with the housework, I dont lift any of my fingers to make the kuihs bla bla blaa...

Doesnt she understand that I am busying studying for my A's which is less that 20 days away??

I swear, if there is any way I could kill her without breaking the law, I would do it in an instant!
I know....I wil first smother her with a pillow, and then give a huge hard kick on her stoney ass....then finish it off with a sinister laugh.
Oh yeah, maybe before that I should smash her head with a vase, pour hot water onto her body, strangle her and then hang her body on a ceiling nail before twirling it around.
(Believe me, Im not mentally sick, Im just full of anger)

I don't understand why my other cousins are so nice to her.
To me, I've no longer regard her as my grandmother.
I dont care if she doesnt give me a Zakat on Hari Raya.
I just cant stand her at all.

She cursed me, saying that my kids will treat me like shit in the future.....
She can curse me all she wants.....
Everytime she does that, I'll just curse her back.

Now I know why my darling grandpa left her.

At this point of time, I just cannot control my anger any longer......

2005-10-22T01:33:00.000+08:00

A Day of Reminisence.

Here I am, sitted comfortably in my armchair, having just arrived home from my Graduation Nite. There's only one word to describe the event: HAVOC!!

There was endless amount of phototaking, hugs, handshakes, TEARS, high-fives and flashbacks.
Well, I can dare say that my time in JI/MI has indeed been the time of my life.
And how fast has 3 years passed.

As I look back at my experience in pursuing my A Level education, I remember the times when me and my classmates would plough through our schoolwork and bug our teachers for hints and leniency where our exams and common tests were concerned. Then there was also the pakat deals we would make with them whenever Parent-Teacher's meeting season arrived. We postponed countless of tests, pissed each other off, bithced and turned our backs on each other. There were even moments when students would become more united all because they had one common enemy, that is a particualar teacher, whoever he or she is.

But at the same time, our characters have moulded. And its all thanks to the holistic, evaluative styled education that the school has provided us. Students graduate feeling more confident, aware of the real world and what they can expect from it. The advice and lessons we have learnt from not only the four walls of the class has indeed equipped us with the survival skills that the workforce demands. Not only that, we dare to take culculative risks, seek the unknown, possess the drive and most importantly, we dare to fail. And I guess that's what education is all about. Of course, doing well acadimically still plays an important part, but there's certainly more to life that just scoring A's and getting scholarships.

As my friends and I viewed a video of our 3 years in school just now, I noticed many of them, including some of the teachers quivering and controlling their emotions. Some even teared openly. We will really miss each other, regardless of what faculty we come from.

On a personal note, I teared at home as I read a card that my Lit teacher Mdm Zah gave me just now. In it, she said this:

Dear Shahnaz, Let me tell you a secret-when I first stepped in class this year, I didnt dare ask you questions because if looks could kill, yours would have fried me black!!....

Plus there were other touching stuff she wrote that really kindled my heart. And I recall a teacher who hugged me just now and whispered, "You're gonna make it Shahnaz. Whatever it is, you'll survive out there. I know you." And at that moment I kept on looking down and nod my head cause I did not want her to see my cry. Such is the faith that my teachers have in me, so why should I ever give up on myself??

Well, it has been a great night spend with my teachers and friends and I look forward to keeping in touch with them after our exams. Hey, what doesnt kill us makes us stronger.

And Hasbullah said the sweetest thing to me just now.
"Eh Shahnaz, seven years as classmates already! Make it 8 lah! NUS!!!!"

Well, it's not too late. Still possible.

Here's a toast to the class of 2005.
Enjoy yourself but dont forget to work hard when you really need to.
Cheers!

2005-10-19T21:21:00.000+08:00

DAMN

My graduation night is less than 48 hours away and I am currently having the ultimate wardrobe malfunction.

Guess what?

I let my brother hold my graduation jacket for 5 seconds, and by the time I took it back from him I found a little hole at the back of the collar! The cloth was slowing coming off from the stitch and there was no way my mum could have sewn it back! Doing so would spoil the entire cutting or shape of the jacket.

So I had to send it to the tailor for some major alteration and I nearly had a seizure when the guy said that has to take off the WHOLE collar and sew it back again. I was like "WHHHHHHHHAAAAATTT? The whole collar?" But then again I was so desperate that I made him promise that the the collar will be able to cover the new stitches. He better do it properly or I will flip.

That was just the tip of the iceberg.

Cause there was the skirt. You see, I found the ideal skirt that would match the jacket but it is an oversized one, so my dear Nisa persuaded me to buy it anyway cause it's just too gorgeous PLUS she's confident that I can get it altered to fit my waistline. And when I explained what I wanted to the tailor lady she stared at the skirt and said.... "I have to take 4 INCHES off from that skirt." What made me worry more is that she kept giving me that 50-50 expression, like as if she's not confident that she can do the job.

So I have to at the hotel by 7.30pm and my clothes would only be ready for collection at about 5. Yikes. And I really need a new haircut.

If the jacket turns out to be a disaster and I cant fit into the skirt......someone is gonna be reaaaaallly mad.

You know what?
My gut feeling keeps telling me that I should prepare a substitute outfit for the dinner.

2005-10-15T22:33:00.001+08:00

I feel.......like doing a survey.

Seven things that (will) scare me:
1) God.
2) Finding out that I'm going to die without being able to do anything about it.
3) Not being able to get a good job.
4) Doomsday.
5) Getting cancer and have my head bald due to chemo.
6) Ghosts (esp Pontianaks and those type that can enter one's body).
7) Natural disasters.

Seven things I like the most:
1) Myself. (As in, self-appreciation lah)
2) My family.
3) My faith.
4) Apple strudel.
5) Listening to oldies music. (The Beatles!)
6) Waking up early and reading the papers straightaway.
7) Challenges.

Seven most important things in my room:
1) My bed.
2) My bolster.
3) My study-table.
4) My school notes/books.
5) Wardrobe.
6) The fan/aircon.
7) My computer.

Seven random facts about me:
1) I can read the whole day.
2) I love having a good conversation with people.
3) Im really a small eater.
4) I love eating beef and lamb.....and potatoes in any form.
5) I am not original when it comes to dressing up. (Im a trend follower, sad to say)
6) I cant swallow pills at all.
7) I hate tall heights. (They dont scare me, they just make me nausea when I look down).

Seven things I plan to do before I die:
1) Travel around the world. Back pack to be exact.
2) Have a make over along with a photoshoot.
3) Break a law w/o getting caught.
4) Get married and have a family. (I seriously dont wanna grow old alone)
5) Have a secret bank account w/o my husband's knowledge.
6) Learn how to cook and bake all sorts of Malay cuisines and kuihs.
7) Go skiny dipping.

Seven things I can do:
1) Laugh to and at myself.
2) Piss people off.
3) Communicate in Sign Language.
4) Surf the Net the whole day.
5) Sleep the whole day.
6) Watch The Godfather Trilogy again and again and again.
7) Tell really corny and lame jokes.

Seven thing I cant do:
1) Eat anything from BreadTalk!!!!!!
2) Murder.
3) Control how one wants to feel.
4) Stop the world from fighting with one another.
5) Sneeze and keeping my eyes open at the same time.
6) Spot this year's A level questions.
7) Turn my head 360 degrees.

Seven words I say the most:
1) Fuck.
2) Shit.
3) Cibai.
4) Crap.
6) So? What's the big deal...?
7) What has that got to do with me?

Seven celeb crushes:
1) ROBERT PIRES!!!! (Fyi, he's about to be a father! So sad...)
2) Ryan Gosling.
3) Rachel Bilson.
4) ADAM BRODY!
5) Andy Roddick.
6) Orlando Bloom.
7) Pablo Aimar.

:)

2005-10-12T12:54:00.000+08:00

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.

My little bro has been away since Monday as he's attending the 5 days OBS camp at Ubin.
It's now Wednesday and Im already missing him like hell.
What a pity, having to fast AND do all the physical activities at the same time.
Speaking of which, he has informed my mum beforehand that he won't be fasting for the whole week.
" I dont think I can take it for the whole day lah.....but I will saur lah.. "

What a twit.

It's now raining at BB and I wonder what he's doing there.
Canoing or rock-climbing perhaps.

You see, my bro and I share a very close relationship.
We bicker at lot, but at the same time we get over it quickly.
We are open about each other....perhaps even more open then most other brother-sister relationships.

I can pull his boxers down at home anytime I want, and he'll just avoid it and pull his boxers up back.
He's willing to pay me $2 if I dare to kiss his ass. (Eh I did it ok!)
I can stick a salty Mcdonalds french fries into his noes and he'll still eat it.
He pulls my bra strap non-stop whenever I tease him. (Eh it's damn pain ok)
We use our bolsters to wrestle with one another.
We compete with each other when it comes to burping and farting.
I simply love to disturb him that we're fated to be siblings, cause he's a JOSEPHIAN, and Im a, oh well, used to be a YUSOFFIAN. Haha. Get it?

Damn, I just miss him like hell.

I think, even if I were to have a partner in the future, I will not love him as much as I love my brother.

Really, come to think of it.

2005-10-07T18:43:00.000+08:00

MY CHILDHOOD RAMADAN STORY.

Have any of you Muslims out there had any funny childhood experiences during Ramadan?
I know I have.

When I was a little girl, around 7 or 8 I think, my parents began to make me fast the whole day.
Let me be honest. I find it really difficult to fast the whole day for the entire month, even till now at the age of 19. So I kinda feel relieve whenever my best friend decides to pay me her monthly visits during the fasting month.

One Ramadan day about 11/12 years ago, I could not control my hunger any longer and was desperate to take a munch on ANY food that I could get my hands onto. However, I did not want want to sneak into the kitchen and smuggle a biscuit or candy behind my parent's back because my mum has always warned me that if I were to do that then the Devil's horn will grow invisibly on my head. So there and then, I decided to break my fast in the most rightous way I could without comitting a sin. What did I do and how did I managed to pull it off???

Well, I noticed that my parents were taking a nap in their room and it was about a few minutes to Asar. So I pulled one of the dining chairs under my family's OWL clock and altered the clock arrows to the break fasting time, which is about 7.05 pm. (Heee heeee) With that done, I wasted no time in turning on the radio to the Malay station and before I knew it I heard the most beautiful words pumping out from the speakers... "ALLAH AKHBAR...ALLAH AKHBAR!!"

I smiled to myself and rushed to my parents' room to wake them up, of course pretending that it was really time to break fast.

"Mama!!! Wake up! Time for buka puasa!!" My mum jolted out from bed and shrieked.

"Eh dah lambat lah!!!! Ya Allah.....eh we're late for buka!"
She pushed my dad to wake up and he too rushed out of the room when he heard the Azan.

He went to the kitchen and rambled. "Where's the korma??? Shahnaz quick siapkan the air!!!! Just eat whatever there is lah..."

As my parents settled down to break their fast, my sister walked out of her room and was figuring out what was the commotion all about. And why the hell were my parents puring out a glass to drink.

"What are you all doing??"

Mum: "Its already time for buka."

My sis cotinued in a daze, "What you mean? Its only 4 something. ITU AZAN ASAR LAAAAAH!!"

By this time, I could not control my laughter and quickly sneaked out of the kitchen.....but it was not for long before I heard my dad's thunder....

SHAHNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!

2005-10-02T17:16:00.000+08:00

1/10/2005

They did it again.

When will they ever stop ???

2005-09-27T20:22:00.000+08:00

I nearly had a heart attack today in school.

All because of my Lit prelim results.
Oh well, it turned out I passed actually after the marks was converted into a hundred percent.
Woah, that was close, man.
Overall I thought I sucked pretty badly for the exam, although I passed.

It's not the marks that matters, it's the grades.
Any Ali, Gopal or Beng soon also can pass what.

Speaking of school, what's with all the fuss about students and blogging???
Some JC students were caught for posting mean comments about their teachers and vice-principal and I read correctly, one of them was even suspended for 3 days!
Wah, I hpe I read the right thing man.
3 days? You're kidding me.
It's realy weird you know.
Here we have, blogging competition beings organised on a national level for schools to take part in, and the youngers are reprimanded just for doing the exact same thing.

Perhaps here's how students can save thier own asses.
If they really, really have something not-so-nice to say about a certain teacher in school, or anyone else for that matter, what they can do is to up their blogging skills. For example, if a student hates her history teacher and thinks he's the worse teacher ever to teach the subject, she shouldnt just say "My history teacher sucks real bad." Instead, she should post someting like, "I really can't stand my History teacher cause his lessons are not progressive at all, his notes are messy and disorganized and often he's just not open enough for a topical discussion." In that way, there's no reason the teacher can take legal action against the student because she is just stating her own opinion, which can stand as a fact. Because she is not telling BUT showing.

Oh what the heck.
I've come acrossed blogs of teachers who complain about their lives as teachers and some even moan about their own students and principals. So what's the big deal all about? Should MOE punish such teachers who behave this way then?

It's about time the government starts to loosen the leash on our necks.
We Singaporeans are not dumb, you know.
We know damn well that life is never meant to be politically correct.

2005-09-25T12:02:00.000+08:00

A Levels is 36 days away.

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Not scared ah. Scared for what? If Im prepared, I will do just fine.

No complains.

"I know my price, I am worth not worse a place." -Iago.

2005-09-19T22:09:00.000+08:00

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY......MONEY!!!!

(Sing to the tune of The Apprentice theme song)

Yipee! I made business today!! Being the very calculative 'kakak' that I am, I actually sold my Mcdonalds MCchicken (?????) burger to my brother. Haha. Since he wanted it so badly and I wanted to get back at him for NOT sharing his chicken cutlet that he bought last weekend, I offered him my piping hot burger for $3. The cost price was $2, so I made a dollar profit out of my own brother. Dont say Im stingy OK, that's just the entrepenuerial side of Shahnaz Alwi Rashid. And besides that, I still managed to enjoy a good lunch by making my mum buy me a packet of streamed chicken rice from REX after complaining to her on the phone that I was starving and broke. Haha. Scheming me.

Sometimes you gotta cut the throat of the ones you love in order to get what you want.

(But in a fun way, lah)

That is why Shahnaz works.

2005-09-16T18:46:00.000+08:00

I was chatting with Amirul on the way to the bus stop, and you know what?

Im really gonna miss school after I've graduated.

2005-09-15T18:30:00.000+08:00

www.notproud.com

GO CHECK IT OUT.

Havent been able to come across a site this cool for a long time.

2005-09-14T17:34:00.000+08:00

The truth is out there.

I heard from someone that the Quran states that Muslims have the liberty to murder anyone who insults or offends Nabi Muhammad S.A.W.
So I guess it's something like honour killing, or killing in the name of Islam or Nabi Muhammad.
Something like that lah......

Its that true????

I think I gotta read up on this after my A's.
But of course I know for sure that such actions are not practical at this age and time lah.

2005-09-09T10:10:00.000+08:00

Getting OC-ed.

I gotta say this. Im addicted to The OC!!!
I actually went out to the living room to watch the show with my brother while taking a break from mugging, and what can I say, Im hooked!!!

I dont know exactly what the ENTIRE show is all about, but last night's episode got my ass glued to the couch, so I guess I'll be making time to follow it up next week.
Just last year, I thought that the show was probably one of the most cheesiest, low quality production FOX channel can ever come up with, and that it'l just be the Beverly Hills 90210 of the 21st Century. But as much as I still think that the shows are similar in a certain way, this one has a more 'fresh' appeal which is able to attract cynical critics like me. Seriously, who watches a show with a title like 'The O.C'??

Well, I became such and O.C convert that I quickly surfed the official website and read the synopsis of the whole second season! (I wont be able to follow the rest of the episodes due to my upcoming exams, so that explains it) And now I know why Nisa looks up so much to Mischa Barton as a fashion inspiration!

And errrr.....I think Seth is really adorable. A cheeky-mischevious-but-not-a-turn-off kind of adorable.

Is there anyone out there willing to loan me any of their recorded O.C tapes/DVD?

2005-09-07T14:14:00.000+08:00

Natural law vs Civil Law.

I need to get something off my chest.
For the past few weeks of mugging and plouging through my schoolwork and notes, I began to ask myself if I really want a place at the local U.
Do I really want to slog out another 3 or 4 years of education, working hard towards something I myself am not sure if it is something I really want??

My dad is hard up on me gtting a good education that comes with a good job.
My mum thinks that I should just study History in NUS and be a teacher.

But I know that deep down inside that is not what I want to do.
I want to be a translator.
I want to master the Arab and English language and be, you know, an interpreter.
I dont care for who or for what, I just want to master the languages.
And along with that I want to explore the traditions and history of the Middle Eastern culture.
I want to specialise in middle eastern studies.
They dont have that kind of major in any of the local U's.

But the problem is, I dont know how to tell my parents about my dream.
Im really scared that they'll shut me off from it.
I dont want to study something Im not interested in.

Now that the govt has formed formal bilateral ties with the Middle East, I want to seize that opportunity to benefit from it.
I sense the Middle East booming in many sectors and with a basic experience and competency in the Arab language and I can work my way up and achieve something for myself.

I dont know how I should go around telling my dad about what I aspire to become.
He thinks I have no sense of direction because everytime he ask me what's my plan after the A's I just shrug my shoulder and answer "Just wait and see lah."
Its not that I have no aim in my life, I just dont know how to start telling him about my what my plans are and what his reactions will be.
Especialy since it's hard for me to get my dad to support in whatever I do.

Sometimes I feel.....so stuck.

2005-09-03T15:52:00.000+08:00

A mad rush for the news.

Why issit that the websites of official newscasting networks all jammed up?
BBC, CNN, CNA, CNBC.
I cant seem to get through any of them smoothly without any glitches.
Wow, perhaps Im not the only one scrambling for the latest news on the Hurricane Katrina.

Here's a quote from ray Nagin, Mayor of New Orleans.
Oh and for all you oblivious goondus out there, New Orleans is the city worse hit by Katrina.

"They don't have a clue what's going on down here. They flew down here one time two days after the doggone event was over with TV cameras, AP reporters, all kinds of Goddamn ******excuse my French America, but I am pissed."

You know what? I guess that the mayor was just beyond all the stress and pressure that he just snapped. Aid did not arrive in NO until about 4 or 5 days later. People are left to fend for themselves and the Superbowl Dome is overcrowded with poor sanitation and lawlessness. Looting is rampant everywhere in the streets as people need to eat. Well, errrr, I guess if they wanna loot things like food, vitamins and drinks its not that bad, but TV sets and hi-fis? How does all that help one to sustain?

Now the disaster has reached a new point. FINGER POINTING. Who is to blame for the disaster? Honestly, no one in particular, although I seriously believed that aid should have arrived much faster. To me the leadership was just very poor at the ground level.

It's sad you know. Because for as long as I remember I've been seeing and reading about the US acting as a saviour to the world community and helping other countries in times of disaster but it took them 5 days to send aid to their own people. They can send the military to Iraq and Afghanistan and "free" the people there, but what about their own Americans who are left stranded with nowhere to go and are helpless? Most saddest of all, one of their most colourful cities now looks like a war torn third world country.

Anarchy. Rapes. Looting. Mounting diseases.
We're talking about the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA here.
Suddenly the most powerful country in the world cant seem to solve their own problem.
Suddenlt the Americans make themselves seem so helpless and small despite all the resources and might.

And why are the news networks showing only African-American looters???
Im sure they are others too.

I know what Osama and the Al-Qaeda must be thingking right now.
They must be laughing at themselves thinking,
"Hey, we dont need to bomb these bastards or blow our own people up to kill them.
We dont even need to use our so-called weapons of mass distruction against them!
Cause they've got a taste of their very own NATURE OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!! Hhahahah!"

No offence taken to the people at NO.